


Me, You and a green umbrella

by Ninathecyborg



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV Alternating, Short Chapters, almost smut until the cat came along
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6461089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ninathecyborg/pseuds/Ninathecyborg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prom is nearing, high school is ending. Tamaki and Kyoya, childhood friends that grew apart, find themselves being pulled back together in a way they never thought was possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Me, You and a green umbrella

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings reader!  
> This is a fic I initially wrote for a friend back in 2015, and I hope you enjoy it as much as she did. I apologize for the lack of chapters; I wanted to split it but I think the chapters are just to short to do so. I might make edits in the future, but for now it's just one long chapter. Leave a comment if you enjoyed it!

**_CHAPTER 1: Kyoya_ **

“We are not doing that. It’s stupid.”

“No it’s not!”

“Hey, don’t hit me!”

I sigh deeply. Somehow I’ve ended up in the same group as the Hitachiin twins. And needless to say, I’m less than thrilled.

“What do you think, Kyoya? Teletubbies or burglars?” Hikaru turns to me expectantly. I couldn’t care less.

“I don’t care.” I reply in a monotone, resting my head on the desk. In my opinion, everyone is getting far too worked up over this. It’s just Prom. One day to mark the end of our time at high school before moving on to university. And the fuss of buying suits and dresses, the whole ordeal is just ridiculous. And there’s still three weeks to go. Where’s the rush?

“Come on Kyooyyaa. You have to help us on this.” Kaoru whines, pulling on my arm.

“Fine; both the ideas are crap.”

I hear the twins simultaneously groan.

“Well if our ideas are so bad, why don’t you think of one?” says Hikaru, poking me with his pen.

I sigh again and lift my head.

“Astronauts.”

They both blink at me.

“As in we are leaving here and going to explore unknown places.” Hopefully, it will be enough for them to leave me alone.

After that a grin breaks out on both their faces.

“That’s not actually a bad idea! Hey, Haruhi, guys, what do you think?”

I tune out their voices and rest my head on the table once again. I really couldn’t be less bothered. Out of the four groups I could have been put in, I get stuck in ‘Theme and decorations’. I would much rather be in the ‘Prom organization’ group doing the finances, but no. Instead of dwelling on my misfortune, I choose to think about more important matters. Like how our finals start tomorrow. And I would be able to remember the exact time of each of them if I didn’t have Hikaru prodding me with his pen again.

“What?” I growl at him.

“What do you think?” He holds up a drawing of an astronaut with the words _We’re off to explore another world!_  written above in bold letters.

“It’s fine.”

“Aw, come on, you have to say more than that.” The twins say in unison. Sometimes the accuracy of their simultaneous sentences really creep me out. This is one of those times.

“Well why do you keep asking _me?_ Can’t you ask someone else?” I reply, gesturing vaguely at the other people in the group. If you covered my eyes now and asked me to name them all, I wouldn’t be able to. I know the twins are here, it’s pretty hard not to notice them, and I know Haruhi is in this group. I think there are three more people, but I’m not even sure of that.

“Well, you are the smartest, and the group leader.” Haruhi chimes in. It’s the first time I’ve heard her speak this afternoon, and I’m not the only one who is surprised by her sudden addition to the conversation.

“Since when am I group leader?”

“It was decided at the beginning, remember? We all had a vote. But I guess you were too busy ignoring us to notice.” The twins both shake their heads at me.

I’m about to say something about how they probably only voted between themselves and then just told the others when the bell rings. I grab my bag, grateful that the school day is over. It’s not that I resent school, no. I just particularly dislike the last period on Thursday’s, when we discuss prom.

I manage to slip into the crowd before the twins can catch up to me. They tend to like hanging around me until my bus arrives, simply because it pisses me off. I don’t let that happen this time though. I get to the bus stop early enough to catch the first bus back. There’s only one other person there. It takes me a second to realise that it is in fact Tamaki Suoh, my classmate. He actually lives in the village next to mine, and as children we were quite good friends. We don’t talk now, but I’d still be able to instantly recognize him and we’ve been taking the same bus back for years now. The reason I don’t recognize him is that he has a hood pulled over his head.

The bus pulls up and we both head towards the door. I get on first and take a seat near the back, pulling my headphones out of my pocket as I do. Tamaki sits a few rows ahead of me, next to the window. A few more people jump aboard, but I don’t pay any attention to them whatsoever. I plug my headphones into my phone and loose myself in the music.

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 2: Tamaki_ **

I’m the last one to get off the bus. My village is the last stop, after all. Although I do wish that I could stay on the bus forever. Let it just drive me along; let me forget about my worries. But now I’m standing on the road and a few steps down is my home, where I’ll be forced to face my worries anyway. There’s no point in prolonging the inevitable. I walk down the path, convincing myself that this time it will be okay. This time they won’t be arguing. This time will be better than the last. Yet before I even open the door I can hear the angry yells of my grandmother intermingled with shouts from my own father. Nothing has changed.

_“She belongs back in that rotten country where she came from! And if you ask me, so does he!”_

My grip on the door handle tightens.

_“That’s enough!”_

But what can I do? Like I said, there’s no point in prolonging the inevitable. So I press down on the handle and step inside. My father marches past me in the hallway. He smiles in an attempt to hide the anger, but I see it nonetheless.

“Ah, Tamaki, you’re home. How was school?”

I mumble something and shrug my shoulders. School was school. There’s nothing to say about it. I walk past him, trying to ignore the death glares my grandmother is giving me, and head straight to my room. There I drop my bag on the floor and let myself fall onto my bed.

There was a time when I still tried to look positively on the situation. I would smile and tell myself that grandmother would see reason, that she’d realise what she was doing was wrong. I would always greet her when I came home. I’d cook for her, clean, whatever she wanted. Yet she still resents me. She was the one who forced my mother to leave. And now she’s trying to get rid of me too.

I kept up the act that everything was fine. At school no-one would’ve guessed. I still keep up the act. But even that’s becoming hard. But I don’t want to burden anyone with my own problems. That’s always been my weakness. Caring more about the well-being of others than myself. I put a smile on my face so that they wouldn’t be faced with the task of asking what’s wrong. I put that smile there so often, that sometimes I’d start to believe it. I started to believe that maybe everything was going to be okay. But of course, it was never going to be ‘okay’.

I used to come to my room after school and scream in frustration. I used to cry and cry until I couldn’t cry anymore. But now it’s not even that. I’m not angry or sad like I used to be. I don’t even feel anything anymore. I just lie on my bed. What’s the point? There is no point. She hates me, and my father can’t do much about it. He has to work to keep us afloat. He has to work tonight as well. That means I have to cook for her tonight.

When I’m at home it’s like I’ve stepped into a bubble filled with fog that’s slowly drawing out my life. But when I step out through the door, it’s not that different. I’m still in a fog. Only the bubble is bigger. There are few things that still succeed in making me happy, though. And even those don’t make me actually happy, they just subdue the numbness for a while. Recently, organizing Prom made the list. It’s nice when people listen and look up to me when I’m explaining my ideas. For once I don’t feel like I’m being trampled on. I can just lose myself in the thoughts of a perfect Prom. It makes me forget about my far from perfect life.

I manage to spend the whole afternoon in my room, distracting myself by attempting to study. I don’t really need to study. I’ve always managed to be somewhere near the top of my class. Somehow I’ve managed to keep my grades up.

“Boy!” I hear the yell come from downstairs. Sighing, I pull myself up and out of the room. She refuses to even call me by my name. I used to ask my father why she had to live with us. I used to tell him we should move to our own place, just me, him, and my mother. He always had the same answer, though.

_‘This is the way it is, Tamaki.’_

“Yes, grandmother?”

“Are you aware of the time? Should you not be doing something?”

I glance at the clock. 8:03. She usually has dinner at 8. I learnt long ago that it was best just to agree with everything she says. There is no point arguing back. I’ve always been nothing but a disappointment in her eyes. Talking back would just give her another reason to throw me out.

  


 

**_CHAPTER 3: Kyoya_ **

The next day starts just like any other. I wake up, eat my breakfast, brush my teeth, get dressed and go outside to wait for the bus. It happens to be a few minutes late today, but I don’t mind waiting. It’s already pretty full, but I still manage to find a seat near the back.  A few minutes later and we’re at Tamaki’s stop. I watch him as the bus slows down. He looks...sad- no, “sad” wouldn’t be the right word. More like defeated. But then again, why am I even looking at him that closely to try and decipher his emotions? As soon as the bus comes to a full stop, a smile appears on his face. He smiles at the driver before sitting down in the first empty seat. I can’t see his face anymore, but his shoulders droop. Once more he is emotionless. It bothers me. Why hide it? Why put on a smile if it’s not real? But I ignore it. It’s none of my business, after all. Not long after, the bus arrives at the school and we all get off. Once again the smile appears on Tamaki’s face, but only when Haruhi comes to greet him. I just hold on to my bag and walk towards the school.

“Kyoya! Hey, wait up!” I hear the sound of feet running behind me.

“Hello, Renge.”

“Hey, so, you know prom is coming up, yeah?” I nod in reply. How could I not know? It’s the only thing students are talking about.

“Well, uh, you’re dancing with me, right?”

Well this is something new.

“I mean, we’re friends and we hang out all the time, so it’s only logical that we dance together. Unless you have someone else you want to dance with. Then it’s fine I can find someone else If you don’t want to, I mean-”

“No, no, I see your point.” If there is anyone I would consider calling my friend, it would be Renge. We’ve been hanging out since the beginning of middle school. Many people said that we would make a nice couple. I just brushed it off. I do like Renge, but I wouldn’t date her. Because of… reasons.

“Sooo… you’ll dance with me?”

“I don’t see why not.” And I really don’t. It’s not like I will take initiative and find myself someone to dance with. It’s not like I actually want to dance with a girl. I would probably end up without a dance partner and just spend the night sitting at one of the tables. Not that I would mind, though. But since Renge asked me, the most logical thing to do is to agree. It doesn’t do me any harm. And it seems to make her happy. She’s got a smile on her face, so I’m assuming she’s happy.

“‘Kay! See you at lunch then?”

“I guess so.”

She runs off to whatever class she has now.

Much to my disappointment, though, as I can see the twins approaching, and she isn’t here anymore to protect me. Well, only theoretically protect me. If I found myself in a position where I had to physically protect myself from the twins I could easily do so. Though thankfully that day hasn’t arrived yet.

Yet.

“Kyooooyaaaa!” They both call in unison. I keep walking straight ahead, but they block my path, shoving a piece of paper in my face.

“Look! Whaddya think?”

I take a step back. On the sheet of paper there is a drawing of an astronaut with glasses. The glasses look suspiciously similar to mine. Above the drawing it says ‘ _Were off to explore another world!’_.

“You forgot the apostrophe.” I retort, pushing past them. It only takes a moment for them both to be at my side again.

“Yeah, well apart from that, what do ya think?”

I sigh. They’re not going to leave me alone until I give them the reply they want.

“It’s not bad. Run it through with the rest of the group.” Hikaru and Kaoru grin at each other.

“So you, as group manager, approve of it?”

“Yes.”

“Come on, say it!” whines Kaoru, grabbing my arm. I sigh again. It’s not even 9 o’clock yet, I shouldn’t be sighing this much already.

“I, as group manager, approve of this idea. Now will you please let go of my arm?”

The twins high-five each other right in front of my face, nearly knocking my glasses off. Then they proceed to run ahead of me, arguing as they go.

“I told you he’d like my idea!”

“Hey, firstly, it was his idea in the first place, and I did the drawing!”

“Yeah, but I told you how to draw it, and I did the writing!”

I fix my glasses and make my way to class. I’ll be lucky if I make it before the bell rings. But there’s nothing wrong with arriving a little late. I’m never late, and if I am it’s only by a few seconds. Most of the teachers ignore it due to my perfect record.

I step into the classroom and take my seat. My eyes shift around the room, much to my surprise, landing on Tamaki. He’s sitting by the door, talking to Haruhi about something. I do wonder what they are talking about… I spot Hikaru and Kaoru nearing me in my peripheral vision and drop my head down onto the desk with a groan.

 

 

 

**_CHAPTER 4: Tamaki_ **

“So, you’re going to Prom, right?”

“Probably.”

“Probably? _Probably?_ Tamaki, this is Prom we’re talking about. It’s a once in a lifetime experience.”

“Yeah…” I reply flatly. Too flatly. Haruhi immediately picks up on it.

“…Is something wrong? This isn’t like you. Usually you’re all excited about Prom and everything.”

Oh, the irony. If only you knew, dear Haruhi, how far from the real me the one you know is.

“No, sorry, I just seem to be a bit tired today.” She seems to buy it.

“Oh, ok. I heard the theme is going to be space. Hikaru said the dress code will be galaxy colours, or something like that. I think it sounds cool. What do you think?”

This catches my attention. I smile lightly.

“Actually, it’s ‘Wear the colours of the galaxy’. I helped come up with it. Just imagine everyone that night, wearing purple and blue and black. It will truly be wonderful.”

Haruhi nods.

“Yeah… it’s gonna be great. Speaking of which, who are you dancing with?”

The dreaded question.

If I were to be honest, I’d tell her that I probably won’t even go to Prom. I might not even be around by then, anyway. And if for some reason I am, my grandmother would never allow it. She’s restricting me from even the simplest things now. It started off with her just being slightly more stern than usual. But it just got worse and worse.

Can I get that bike for my birthday? No. Can I buy myself a few books? No. Can I go to the library after school? No. Can I take up an extracurricular activity? No. Can I get an extra serving at lunch because I’m still hungry? No. Can I take this umbrella because it’s raining? No.

I wouldn’t even dare ask her if I could go to Prom. I could ask my father, but what good would that do? He would still run it through with her. And even if he wanted to let me go, there’d be no way to convince her.

“I don’t know… what about you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I’ll probably end up going with Hikaru or Kaoru. They’ve been bugging me for a while now so yeah…”

Now it’s my turn to nod. The bell rings and the teacher walks into the class. And once again I manage to pull myself through another day of fake smiles and pointless conversation. I nearly lose it in English class when the teacher starts analysing a book about a child whose mother has to leave her.

“And thus the girl becomes even stronger because of this!” she says.

No. I want to scream. When your mother leaves you don’t become stronger. You start to feel like the life is being sucked out of you bit by bit. It’s awful. Freaking awful. And it sure as hell doesn’t make you stronger. And anyone who says that is spewing absolute bullshit.

Utter bullshit.

“Did you want to say something, Tamaki?”

My eyes flick up to the teacher whose gaze is trained on me, along with half the students in the class.

“No, miss…” I mutter, dropping my head. Another 20 minutes of torture and then the final bell rings, dismissing us. Once again I arrive at the bus stop first. Kyoya, the boy from the village next to mine, follows shortly after.

Soon enough the bus arrives and we get on. As usual a few more students rush on right before the door closes. And as usual I get off last. There’s a dampness in the air; it’s going to rain.

I slowly step to my front door and pause, my hand on the handle, listening for any signs of my father’s and grandmother’s current state. What happens on Friday night usually affects the whole weekend. I hear nothing but silence, so I go ahead and open the door. I drop my bag at the foot of the stairs and step into the living room where my grandmother is bound to be. We got our chemistry tests back today, and I have to tell her what mark I got. She calls the school every week anyway, so she always finds out what’s going on. It’s better to tell her now than to let her find out through the school.

“Hello, grandmother.” I say upon seeing her sitting in her armchair. She glares at me and doesn’t say a word.

“I got a mark at school today.” I continue. Then I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the worst.

“It was a C+.”

Her eyes turn cold and a grotesque scowl forms on her face.

“Get out. Out! And don’t come back inside until your father returns.”

I do as I’m told, but I want to scream at her. But what good would screaming do? It would just give her another reason to pack me up back to France. But I guess maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. My mother is in France. I could go find her. And at least I’d be away from my grandmother…

I blindly walk forward along the road. My father is working the late shift today. I know that. She knows that. I don’t even register which turns I take. My legs just keep moving as my thoughts suffocate me.

I don’t know how long I’ve been walking when I feel the first raindrop. It just falls on my arm lightly. Then I see the dusty cement road slowly get covered with drop after drop of rain. And all of a sudden it’s coming down full force. I’m soaked in seconds. There’s no way I’m getting home now. I frantically look around and spot a tree a few meters away. There’s nowhere else to go, so I run to it. The tree protects me with its large leaves. Yes I’m cold, yes I’m wet, but there’s nothing I can do about that. It can’t be later than 5 o’clock yet the sky is a depressing shade of grey and there’s barely any sunshine.

“Just wait it out…” I mumble to myself. And then I laugh. ‘Just wait it out’ is what I’ve been telling myself for the past three years. And look where that got me.

  
  


 

**_CHAPTER 5: Kyoya_ **

I return home at the same time as usual. We had the first of our finals today, maths, and I think I did quite well on it. I think about telling my mother or father, but sure enough they aren’t home when I walk through the door. Lunch is waiting for me on the table and I decide to take it up to my room. It’s too unsettling to eat alone at the large family table that never actually has a family sitting around it.

I’ve just settled down at my desk when it starts to rain. I can hear frantic footsteps downstairs. Probably my sister. She sounds like she’s in a rush. She’ll probably call me to help her any seco-

“Kyooooyaaa!” There it is.

“What is it, Fuyumi?” More shuffling.

“I’m going out but I can’t find Kuro anywhere! And it’s raining! What if he’s outside?” Kuro is her cat. A black fluffy creature of sorts, hence the name.

“What does this have to do with me?”

“Can you look for him please? Just check to make sure he’s not outside. I really have to go!”

I let out a sigh and stand up from my chair.

“Alright, then.” More shuffling sounds. I make my way down the stairs just as she’s leaving.

“Thank you, Kyoya!” She calls to me before shutting the door and running to her car. I sigh once again. I should be studying, not looking for some cat. I step over to the sliding doors in our living room and stick my face out.

“Kuurooo, here kitty.” I call. Nothing. I try my luck again and peer out into the rain. But I don’t spot a cat. Instead I spot a person sitting under a tree. In the middle of a soon-to-be thunder storm.

“Damn it,” I mutter to myself as I slide the door shut and grab two umbrellas before stepping outside. The rain splashes all around me and I silently curse whoever it is out there that is making me do this. I stop a mere meter away from the person.

“You know, it’s highly unadvisable to sit under a tree in the middle of a thunderstorm." The figure looks up at me, his gaze connecting with mine.

Tamaki?

“Here,” I say, holding the umbrella out to him. Tamaki just stares at me and I try not to cringe as my arm gets soaked. He finally extends his own arm, taking the umbrella and slowly standing up as he opens it.

“Thank you,” He mumbles, but he doesn’t move. Lightning cracks above us.

“What are you doing out here in the middle of a storm? It’s not very safe.”

He doesn’t even try to put on a smile. He does try with his tone of voice, though, and what comes out is an artificial happiness which I see directly through.

“Oh, I was just going for a walk and it started to rain, so I decided to wait it out under this tree.” I take another look at him. His hair is soaked, as are his clothes. And he’s still in the same clothes that he wore to school. There’s no way he was just taking a walk. I let out a sigh.

“Come on, my house is this way.” Since when did I become such a nice person? Tamaki jerks his head up.

“Oh no it’s ok I can just walk home…” he says, turning and starting to walk away. In the wrong direction. I sigh again. I take a mental note to stop sighing.

“Tamaki, your village is in the other direction.”

He stops walking and his shoulders droop.

“Don’t be stubborn. Come on.”

I find myself asking myself the same question again. When did I become such a nice person?

This time he listens to me. I set off towards my house, and I can hear his wet footsteps behind me. I know he wasn’t just going for a walk when the storm started. Anyone can see that. But then why was he outside in the first place? But it’s not my job to worry about him. We’re not even that good friends. This has probably been the longest conversation we’ve had since elementary school. And even now it was pretty one sided. Not exactly a conversation.

I open the front door and step inside, expecting Tamaki to follow. But of course he doesn’t. Why am I even bothering with this? It’s just a waste of my time.

“I don’t have all day.” I say flatly. He just looks down at the ground and then decides that he might as well. His soaked clothes drip down onto the entrance mat. He seems to give up trying to say no to me, and a smile slowly starts to form on his face.

“Thanks, Kyoya.” He sounds different from earlier. Almost as if he's being sincere.

I go to close the door, but right before it clicks shut Kuro runs in, soaked and hissing.

“Damn cat…” I mutter, before shutting the door properly and going to find some towels.

“I… I shouldn’t be here…” I can hear Tamaki mutter from the hallway. When I return he hasn’t moved an inch. I hand him a towel and he takes it, but just holds it in his hands, unmoving. I sigh and place my fingers to my temples before reaching out and picking up the umbrella I’d previously given him.

“If you really want to leave, then leave.” I deadpan, holding the umbrella out to him. He hesitates for a moment before handing me back the towel and taking the umbrella. I cross my arms as he opens the door and steps outside. Tamaki opens the umbrella and looks back at me one last time. His lips move by just a fraction, but I don’t hear anything. And then he’s gone.

I’m not even sure of what just happened. Why was he even outside? And why on earth did I invite him in? I close the door and Kuro starts meowing at my feet.

“If you cut out that annoying whining I might consider giving you some food.” I snap at him, but he doesn’t stop. I sigh, and head to the kitchen anyway.

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

**_CHAPTER 6: Tamaki_ **

I run the rest of the way home. Not caring if I get more soaked or if I nearly slip on the wet mud. I run and run and run until I spot my house.

Why did he have to see me? Why did he have to invite me in? And why did I agree? Because it’s the polite thing to do, that’s why.

I sit down with my back against the wall of the house, away from the view of any passer-by’s. I hold the umbrella above me, then I pull it towards me so I’m sitting in my own little cocoon. With the green glow of the umbrella and the sound of rain bouncing off every surface around me, it almost feels like I’m in another world. It’s almost calming. So I sit like that, ignoring the gradual pins-and-needles in my arms and legs. And I stay like that long after the rain has stopped. Only when my father taps on the umbrella do my thoughts get pulled back down to reality.

“Tamaki? What are you doing out here?” I slowly pull the umbrella down and blink up at him. The sun is setting. It's late.

“Oh, I just went for a walk and decided to stay outside. The weather’s lovely.” My father just gives me a look.

“It was raining, Tamaki, and it’s been cloudy since then.” He looks at the umbrella, but he doesn’t mention it. And suddenly I’m aware of the chill spreading through my body. With the sun gone and my wet clothes failing to hold in any heat, I start to shiver. I follow my father as he opens the door and steps inside. I close the umbrella carefully before a making a run for it up the stairs. Behind the safety of the walls of my own room, I peel the wet clothes off my body. I turn around and catch sight of myself in my mirror. My mother had it put there when I was younger. I don’t know why. I hate the thing. I can’t stand to look at myself. I quickly grab a shirt and cover the thing before pulling my pajamas on. It’s Saturday tomorrow. The only day that I can sleep in. I get into my bed and pull the sheet over my head. I haven’t eaten anything since the sandwich I had at lunch, but I don’t care. I’m not hungry anyway. I lie down, but my eyes don't want to stay shut. I just stare at the blinking light outside my window, my expression blank. I don't know what it is, and I don't care. My mind feels hollow, song lyrics that were unfortunate enough to get trapped in there are stuck on repeat. I don't even know what I'm thinking about. I don't even know if I'm thinking about anything. I lie there, motionless, my eyes still wide open. A strange sense of calm surrounds me. At this point I don't even care anymore.

The next morning I wake up around 8. I don't recall ever closing my eyes, but I guess I did. My first thought is _I don’t want to get up._

So I don’t. I go back to sleep. Then three hours later I wake up again. _I don’t want to get up._

I can’t sleep anymore. I just lay on the bed motion and expressionless, eyes staring up at the ceiling.

_I don’t want to get up._

_I don’t want to get up._

_I don’t want to get up._

It’s the same battle that I have with myself nearly every morning.

But I know that at one point I’ll have to. It’s unavoidable. If I don’t get up soon, it will just result in another telling-off from my grandmother. I pull myself upright and swing my legs off the side of the bed. The fog in my head is especially thick today. I don’t have the motivation to do anything. Eat. Sleep. Nothing.

In the course of the next hour I somehow manage to drag myself downstairs and have something to eat. I soon regret it though.

_“He’s an illegitimate child!”_

_“That doesn’t make him any less my son!”_

It's the same as always. Yet they don't usually start this early in the day. A glance at the clock confirms that in fact it's not actually that early after all. Its past noon.

I can’t listen anymore. I push my chair back and run out of the door. I go in the opposite direction than yesterday. And I keep walking. I just keep walking. A year ago I would’ve just gone to my room and tried to block out their shouts with a pillow. But I can’t stand it anymore. I just can’t do this. I don’t even understand why they argue all the time. Sometimes I want to scream ‘ _Just send me back to France already!’_ and sometimes I just want to lock myself in my room and never come out.

I stop for a second and lift my head up. I’ve walked to the other side of the village, the one where only elder citizens live. And I’ve stopped right before the bridge. I walk forward and rest my arms on the railing. The river rushes past a good 15 meters beneath me. It almost looks calming…

I grip the railing and take a deep breath before swinging my legs over. The metal is cold as it presses against my skin, but I don’t really care. I look out into the valley and follow the flow of the river with my eyes. Not that I can follow much. Everything is overgrown with trees. I can see a bit of water here and there, where the sunlight bounces off it. I can hear the river rushing violently below me, a result of the heavy rain we had the previous day.

I come to this place often. There’s something about sitting right on the edge of the railing that opens me up inside. For those few minutes I don’t feel like I belong to this world. I forget about everything else. I can just imagine that I’m a lone little spirit, observing the world from afar.

And there’s another thing. I know very well that if I slip and fall, I would probably die. But that’s just the thing. Knowing that if I choose to move forward those few centimetres, if I choose to let go, it will still be my choice. For once I feel in control of my whole life. And it sort of makes me happy, knowing that I control what happens next.

I hear footsteps behind me and my thoughts snap back to reality. Maybe whoever it is will just walk past. Maybe they’re not headed in this direction. I daren’t turn my head. I tighten my grip on the railing and stare straight ahead as the person stops by the railing.

“Fancy meeting you here,” An all too familiar voice says to me. I turn my head slowly and, as I thought, see Kyoya leaning against the railing only two meters away from me.

  
  
  
  
  


****

**_CHAPTER 7: Kyoya_ **

I was surprised when I first spotted Tamaki sitting on the edge of the railing like that. For a moment I even doubted in it even being him. I thought that surely someone like him would be scared of something like that.

He’s looking at me now, and I cannot tell what kind of expression he’s wearing on his face. Surprise? Embarrassment? I can’t tell.

He mumbles something roughly resembling a ‘hi’ before turning his head away from me and back at the trees below us. Before I arrived he looked so calm. Maybe there’s something about this bridge that inflicts calmness?

I grab onto the railing and slowly, slowly swing my legs over it. I nearly lose my balance, but quickly regain it after hooking my heels into the openings of the fencing.

“So, how come you’re down in this part of the village?” I ask him, attempting to initiate a conversation.

“I could ask you the same thing…” He mumbles after a second, still with his head turned away from me.

“Oh, I was just visiting my grandma. I come down here every week. Never seen you outside before though so when I saw you here I decided to come and say hello.” I have a bad habit of saying pretty much whatever is on my mind. And sometimes that turns into over explaining. Tamaki just nods.

He keeps looking down so I decide to look down as well, to see what it is that is so intriguing. I drop my head down slightly, and see that all that is there are trees. Nothing that special. The river rushes between them and combined with the afternoon light the trees look like they are twinkling. I smile lightly. It is rather pretty. I lift my head back up. Tamaki is sitting very close to the edge. I can’t tell whether I’m just imagining things, but he seems to shift even further out.

“Aren’t you a bit too close to the edge? You know, Tamaki, if you fall from here you’ll probably die.”

“I know.” He replies in a monotone. I don’t know what to make of his answer. Does he want to die? Surely that’s not what he meant. His eyes widen by a fraction and something tells me that didn’t want to reply like he did. He turns his head up to look at me.

“I have to get home,” Tamaki announces all of a sudden. He starts to turn, lifting one leg as he does. But he’s doing it too quickly. Far too quickly.

There isn’t even a chance for me to say anything before his foot hooks on the railing. I watch in horror as Tamaki loses his footing and falls down, smashing his face on the railing as he does. A cry of pain escapes his lips.

“Tamaki!” I throw my legs back over the railing. I do it slower though, as I am not eager to end up in the same situation as Tamaki. As soon as my feet are safely back on the ground I take the two steps needed to get to Tamaki.

I have one second to survey the situation. Right now is the critical moment. Act without thinking and we could both end up in the river. Act too late and I won’t be able to help him. He’s still holding on. Somehow he managed to grab onto the railing further down with the hand that wasn’t still holding it.

I secure my feet in the gap between the road and the railing then take hold of one of his wrists. His feet are still too far down for him to be able to use the bridge as support, so I’ll have to pull him up myself.

My heart is beating in my chest at a rate that is probably dangerous. I take a deep breath and reach down to try and reach his other hand.

“Just hold on, I’m going to pull you up.” I say to him. His only reply is a disgruntled mumble of conformation.

With that, I start to try and lift him up. I feel the strain of him on my arms, and for a second I’m scared that I’ll topple over the top too. At this point my glasses start to slip off as well, and I feel a new raw panic brew inside me.

Tamaki frantically grabs onto the rail again. His eyes are wide and his breathing is quick and uneven. I grab his arms again and pull him up until he can hook his legs into the railing and pull himself over the top. I still help him though, as he seems to be weak. As soon as my hands are free, I fix my glasses. Then I turn my attention back to him. He’s just sitting on the ground in a heap.  

“Are you alright?” I say, kneeling down next to him. He lifts his head and I see the trickle of blood running from his nose.

“Oh my goodness. Is it broken?”

He reaches a hand up to his face and prods it for a second before shaking his head. He puts his hand back on the ground and tries to lift himself up. He stands, but winces as he puts pressure on his wrist. I try and help him, but he just shuffles away from me.

“You should sit down.” He shakes his head, but I insist, pushing him in the direction of the bench by the side of the road. He sits down as his whole body starts to shake.

“Oh my god…” he mumbles, dropping his face into his hands, elbows propped up on his knees. “Oh my god I could’ve died…”

I sit down beside him.

“Tamaki, are you alright?” I ask him for the second time in the past few minutes. He doesn’t respond. When he does lift his head I notice that his eyes are welling up. But he’s not crying. Not a single tear has escaped his eyes. He turns to me and drags a hand across his face, wiping his eyes.

“Thank you…”

 

 

 

**CHAPTER 8: Tamaki**

Kyoya just looks at me for a moment before turning his head away.

“It was a freak accident. It was just lucky that I was there…”

If I think about it though, it was partially his fault that I fell. If he hadn’t showed up I wouldn’t have wanted to leave in such a hurry and I wouldn’t have fallen. But I can’t blame him. It was an accident. We were both at fault.

A drop of blood falls onto my trousers, and I immediately lift my hand up to my face. My nose is still bleeding. I try to wipe it away but it just keeps flowing.

“Uh, Kyoya, do you have a tissue, or something…” I mumble. He turns back to me and his eyes widen upon seeing my blood covered hand.

“Oh, OH no, sorry. I don’t have anything but my Grandmother does, she lives very close.” He gets up and rushes off. He comes back in what seems like seconds later and hands me a packet of tissues. I mumble a thank you as I frantically open it. I manage to get a tissue out and press it to my face.

“Is your hand okay?” I nod. It still hurts a little, but it will be fine within a few hours. Kyoya keeps an eye on me as I pull another tissue out of the packet.

“Do you want me to walk you home?”

“NO.” Kyoya seems taken aback at how quickly and loudly I reply. I didn’t mean to say it like that. But home is the last place I want to go right now.

“Okay, I guess we can just stay here for a while then.”

“I mean I’m still a bit shaken and my head hurts and I don’t really want to walk while my nose is like this-“ I start to ramble in a pathetic attempt to explain myself.

“No, it’s fine. I understand.” Oh, Kyoya, I don’t think you do.

We end up sitting there until the evening. But we don’t say anything to each other, apart from Kyoya asking me if I’m okay or if I need anything every now and then. I’m not really sure why he keeps sitting here. There’s nothing for him to gain. But in a way I’m happy that he hasn’t decided to leave. As the sun starts to set and the air gets chillier I decide that maybe I really should go home. It’s the last thing I want to do, but it’s the only thing I can do. Except for stay out here with him. But for how much longer? Surely he has a family waiting for him back home as well.

“Kyoya, I think I’ll go home now…”

He turns to me, and no matter how hard I try I can’t tell what he’s thinking. His grey eyes are emotionless, as usual.

“Alright then.”

I take my time in standing up, picking up the stray tissues from earlier as I do. I don’t really want to go home. To leave the peace and calm of that bench, nobody would want to do that. Kyoya notices my reluctance and stands up as well.

“I’ll walk you home. You live in that direction, correct?” I look in which direction he’s pointing and nod quickly. He fixes his glasses, but he doesn’t move.

“After you,” He says.

“Oh, yeah, of course.” I grip the edge of my shirt and step forward. Kyoya walks beside me. Part of me is waiting for him to say something, but I know that he probably won’t. We make it to my house without saying a single word to each other. What follows is the inevitable awkward goodbye.

“Um, this is my house.” I mumble, unmoving.

“I know.” Kyoya stands with his hands in his pockets.

“Bye, then.” I start to walk towards the door.

“See you at school.” Is all he says. I don’t know whether he leaves straight away or whether he stays longer. I keep my eyes on my feet and keep walking forward, not looking back once. The door opens with a creak and I slip inside. For once silence prevails in the house. Grandmother is probably sleeping, and who knows where father is. Nonetheless, I dash up the stairs and seal myself away in my room.

It takes a moment, then all at once the full impact of what just happened hits me.

I nearly died.

And Kyoya saved me.

My heart starts to beat rapidly in my chest as I remember the sensation of slipping, the exact moment my face hit the railing. Even now my head is still throbbing lightly. I remember the way he gripped my wrist and pulled me up. How I blindly hooked my leg over the railing.

_I nearly died._

I sigh and slide off the side of my bed. Once I’m on the ground, I let my body just fall to the side.

_He saved me._

I roll over onto my other side.

_But if he hadn’t come in the first place, I wouldn’t have slipped either._

I shut my eyes and try to remember exactly how he managed to pull me up. I try to remember the look on his face. My mind fills with the memory of his eyes. Cold, grey, emotionless.

I open my eyes again and I’m met by the sight of the umbrella. His umbrella. I reach out and pull it closer to me.  At one point I’ll have to return it. But for now… for now I’ll pretend I’ve completely forgotten about it.

Sometime in the next hour I fall asleep, and the next day I wake up still clutching the umbrella with one hand and with a sore back.

I sit upright and push my hair out of my face.

I sigh. Today is Sunday. Tomorrow is Monday. We’ve got an English final tomorrow. But that’s okay, I’m good at English. And as long as it’s mainly reading comprehension I’ll do well. Nonetheless, I reach over to my pile of school books and pull my English book down next to me. I open it and start to study, but my eyes keep flicking back to the almost neon green umbrella.

_Focus._

I tell myself. I push the umbrella further under my bed and peer back at my book.

  
  
  
  


 

**_CHAPTER 9: Kyoya_ **

Monday rolls around once again. As usual I go through the same cycle of getting ready and waiting for the bus. My mind is in some faraway place when I first step onto the bus, but as soon as it starts to slow at Tamaki’s stop I snap back to attention.

The bus stops and the doors slide open. Tamaki climbs on board and I watch him as his eyes skim the remaining seats. Assuming there are any, that is. He looks at me, but only briefly. That’s the one problem with getting on the bus last. You don’t get your own seat. I watch as despair sets in his eyes and his shoulders droop. I turn my head and see what he’s gazing at. The only remaining seats are in the back, and asking the kids there to move their bags for him proves to be a total nightmare, judging from the look on his face.

“Look, kid. Sit down or get off the bus.” The driver snaps at him. Tamaki shuffles forward, his chest rising and falling at an alarming rate. He’s scared, no, terrified of even the thought of having to sit back there.

I reach over to the seat next to me and pull my bag up onto my knees.

“Tamaki,” I say right before he passes me. His eyes flick down to me and he stops dead in his tracks. I motion to the empty seat next to me, and he almost immediately drops down into it.

The bus sets off again. It’s been so long since somebody has actually sat next to me on the bus. No, nobody has ever even sat this close to me. Except for the twins, of course, who force themselves onto me. I don’t like people invading my personal space. Yet for some reason I’m at ease, even though Tamaki is in such close vicinity. With him I don’t seem to mind. A minute later he turns to me.

“Thank you…” He mumbles.

“It’s just a seat.” I reply, even though I feel like he’s thanking me for something else.

“That’s not what I meant… Thank you for Saturday, for saving my life…”

“I just happened to be in the area.”

“But what if you hadn’t…” He mumbles under his breath. I lift my head up and meet his gaze.  
“The important thing is that I was. Don’t dwell on what could’ve happened, because it didn’t.” Tamaki snaps his mouth shut. Maybe my tone of voice had been too harsh.

“I’m sorry I-“

“No, no, you’re right. I shouldn’t dwell on it…” He lets out a tired sigh. There are bags under his eyes. He doesn’t look like he’s had a proper night’s sleep in a long time. He’s slouching in the seat, but his whole body seems to be on edge.

“Tamaki, is… everything okay at home?” His grip on his bag tightens sufficiently and his knuckles turn white. He keeps his stare fixed on the seat before him. I don’t get any kind of response from him. I can tell it’s something he doesn’t want to talk about. What was I thinking asking him a question like that?

The bus turns into the school and the doors open. Students start to flood past. Tamaki stands up to join them but I grab his arm, standing up as I do.

“Listen, if you ever need anything, you know where I live, right?”

He looks at me for a moment and then joins the crowd. I pick up my bag and step of the bus as well.

I see him later at lunch, but as soon as he sets eyes on me he quickly averts his gaze. On Tuesday he does his best to avoid me. The same on Wednesday. By Thursday I come to terms with the fact that we probably won’t talk to each other ever again.

On Friday afternoon I arrive home at the usual time. After lunch I head up to my room and decide to study, since the last of our finals is tomorrow. Father is working, Fuyumi is out and who knows where mother is. I have the house to myself. It doesn’t even cross my mind to think of my brothers. They haven’t been in this house for so long that at times I even forget about their existence.

I hear the gentle drumming of the rain outside as I pull my books off my shelf. 10 minutes into my study time, the bell sounds from down the hallway. Who could it be at this time? Possibly a delivery of some kind. Or one of those people who try and sell you things on your doorstep… I push away from my desk and make my way down the stairs. I undo the latch and pull open the door. I’m genuinely surprised as my eyes land on the figure before me, standing outside with nothing to protect him from the hammering rain.

“Tamaki?”

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 10: Tamaki_ **

I hold my breath. I was hesitant about coming here in the first place. But father and grandmother had gone out, and had locked me out as a result. And when it started to rain, I had no other choice.

“What are you doing here?” The rain pounds against my back, one fat drop after another.

“You said that if I ever need anything…”

Kyoya stares at me for a moment, then quickly steps back. This time I don’t need any prompting. I step in, eager to escape the pummelling of the cold rain.  Kyoya shuts the door behind me and then steps back into my line of sight.

“Did something happen at home?” I shake my head quickly, avoiding making eye contact. I suddenly become very aware that I’m soaking wet and dripping all over the carpet in their entrance hall.

“Oh, uh, sorry about this,” I mumble, gluing my arms to my side and trying to retain as much water as possible.

“No, don’t worry about it.” Kyoya walks out of the room and seconds later returns with a towel. “Here.”

I look up and reach my hand out to take it. For a second our eyes meet, and I feel a strong sense of déjà vu. Kyoya feels it too, and he quickly turns his head away from me.

“Thank you…” I mumble, unfolding the towel carefully and starting to dry myself off. Kyoya stands there, gazing at nothing in particular.

“So, what was it that you needed?” He says, turning to me. I stop what I’m doing, and the towel comes to rest around my shoulders. I suddenly regret coming here in the first place. But I can’t back out now; I’m already in his house, standing on his carpet, drying myself with his towel. I take a shaky breath and squeeze the towel in my hands.

“I… I need a place to stay. Just for a bit. Possibly overnight…” Time seems to slow down, making my wait for his reply agonisingly long.

“Overnight? How so?” I take another breath and try to bring myself to lift my head and look at him.

“My father and grandmother have gone out and they usually don’t come back until late and I don’t have a spare key and then it started to rain so…”

I stop talking, and Kyoya doesn’t say anything either. He’s looking at me with a blank expression, but I can still tell he doesn’t quite believe me. An awkward silence hangs between us, punctuated only by the occasional sound of thunder or flash of lightning.

“We should go upstairs. It’s not very nice of me to leave you standing in the hall like this. Just take your shoes off, my mother will be outraged if she sees footprints on the carpet.”

For a moment I just stand there and stare at him. Was that his way of saying yes? If he wasn’t planning on letting me stay, he wouldn’t invite me upstairs though, would he? I reach down to untie my shoelaces. This proves to be difficult, since wet shoelaces are, well, difficult to untie. But I do manage to get my shoes off, and as I do a little trickle of water comes out. My socks are drenched too, so I take them off as well and dry my feet on the towel.

“Are you done?” I know he’s just asking me if I’ve finished taking my shoes off, but I can’t help but feel that the words sound a little impatient. I wrap my shoes in the towel and nod.

Kyoya turns around and starts to walk up the stairs. I follow behind closely, taking the shoes with me. He leads me through a corridor lined with framed family photos and various paintings. We never had anything like this at home. Kyoya stops at a door and pulls on the handle, holding it open for me. I glance at him and then glance into the room, stepping inside slowly. Kyoya steps in behind me, flicking the light switch as he does.

A very neatly made bed. An organized desk. A full bookshelf.

Oh. I’m in his room. My heart rate speeds up at the realization.

 _Well, where else would ‘upstairs’ be?_ I think to myself. What else would it be? The upstairs living room? I don’t know what I expected.

“Uh, you have a very nice room,” I say, standing in the center of it. What am I supposed to do now?

“Thank you.”

“Are you sure your parents are okay with this?” I ask him as he sits down at the chair in front of his desk.

“They’re never around so it doesn’t really matter,” He snaps back. I instantly regret asking, and mumble an inaudible ‘oh’. I realize that since I’ve arrived, I’ve already regretted a whole lot of things. A shiver runs through my body. My gaze is fixed on the ground, but I can feel Kyoya’s eyes on me.

“You’re still soaked. I’ll get you a change of clothes.” I hear the creak of his chair as he stands up and makes his way to his closet. I hear him as he opens the doors and drawers and I hear him as he searches for something for me to wear. But I still don’t lift my head. I’m uncomfortable enough as it is. I don’t know why I ever thought this would be a good idea.  

“Here you go. I hope these fit.” He hands me a small pile of clothes. From what I can see it’s a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Now I have no choice but to look up at him.

“Thank you,” I mumble, placing my shoes on the floor. I take the pile of clothes and give him a fleeting smile.

“I’ll wait outside while you change. Call if you need anything.” And with that he steps out of the room, closing the door behind him.

  


_  
_

**_CHAPTER 11: Kyoya_ **

Lightning flashes outside as I lean against the wall of the corridor. I look down at my watch. It’s only 4:15. That means Tamaki will be here for another… 14 hours, 8 of which should be spent asleep, if he does end up sleeping over. That still leaves 6 hours. What are we going to do for 6 hours?

My bedroom door creaks and I turn my head to see Tamaki peeking out.

“Uh, I’ve changed.” The t-shirt hangs off him loosely, but the jeans seem to fit him well enough. I push away from the wall and step back into my room. The rain seems to have ceased. Tamaki seems to be uneasy. No, he _is_ uneasy. I can tell in the way he slowly lowers himself down onto the bed, not even certain if he should, and trying his hardest not to crumple the sheets.

“We have a geography final tomorrow. Have you studied yet?” I say, attempting to lighten the mood. I reach over to my desk and pick up my geography textbook. Tamaki shakes his head.

“Me neither. We should get started." I toss the textbook to him and try to suppress a smile as he frantically tries to catch it but fails in doing so, which results in the book bouncing off the bed and landing on the floor with a _thump._ I reach back to my desk and pick up my notebook.

For the next few hours or so we lose ourselves in the books. Tamaki surprisingly knew quite a lot already, in some instances more than me.

“Are you sure you haven’t studied yet?” I ask him as it nears 8 o’clock. He just shrugs.

“I guess I just remember things.” In the time that he’s been here, Tamaki seems to have loosened up a little. He’s no longer perched on the edge of my bed, but is now lying on his stomach, his feet swinging back and forth above him.

“Your notes are so organized.” He says for what is probably the fifth time. “Seriously, how do you do it?”

Downstairs the door slams open. “Kyoooyyaa! I’m home!”

Tamaki darts up in an instant, reassuming his earlier position.

“My sister,” I explain, standing up. “She’s probably brought dinner with her.” Tamaki cautiously stands up and follows me out of the room and downstairs.

“Hello, Fuyumi,” I say as I step into the kitchen. “This is my friend, Tamaki. He’s sleeping over tonight.” Fuyumi grins and quickly steps forward, extending her hand.

“Hi! I’m Fuyumi, Kyoya’s sister.” Tamaki slowly extends his own hand and shakes hers quickly.

“Nice to meet you.” He mumbles then fixes his gaze on the floor. My sister gives him another wide smile and then hops back into the kitchen.

“I bought bread. Bread is okay for dinner, right? I can make you guys sandwiches.”

“Sounds good. Is that okay, Tamaki?” he nods, barely lifting his head.

“Okay, sandwiches it is. You and your _friend_ can go wait in the dining room.” She puts an emphasis on the word friend, and I know exactly what she’s thinking. I take a moment to glare at her and then head to the dining room. As soon as we’re out of the kitchen Tamaki seems to ease up again.

“Are you always like that?” I ask him once he sits down opposite me.

“Like what?”

“So tense whenever you meet new people.” He wrings his fingers in his lap.

“I don’t know. Probably. I’m not really aware of it.”

Minutes later Fuyumi brings us the sandwiches. We eat in silence, and once we’re done we head up to my room again. The rain is still hammering down. Even if Tamaki did want to go back, he’d get soaked in an instant, and his father might not even be home yet.

“I guess you’re staying overnight.” I say to him.

“I guess I am…”

We agree on who goes to the bathroom first and I find him a sleeping bag and a toothbrush. The rain pounds on my window with much more force than earlier in the day. Tamaki returns to my room.

“Thanks again,” He says to me for the seventh time that day.

“Don’t mention it. Oh, wait, I forgot to give you something to sleep in.” I stand up and walk to my closet, searching through my clothes.

“Here you go. I’ll wait outside again.” I say, handing him the pyjamas. He nods and takes them. I step outside, just like I did earlier. The sound of thunder echoes throughout the whole house. It’s followed by an almighty crack of lighting, and in a second all of the lights turn off. I hear a cry from my room.

“Tamaki? Are you alright?” There’s no reply, and the only sound is the rumble of thunder.

“Tamaki?” Again, he doesn’t reply. Has he fallen over or something? I grit my teeth and place my hand on the door. Lightning flashes again.

“I’m going to come in, okay? I’ve got a flashlight in my bedside table.” I push my door open and try not to think about the fact that Tamaki is in some stage of undressing. Its pitch black, not even the moon is out tonight, but I know how to navigate my room. I’ve done it many times before.

“Tamaki? Are you alright?” I try again.

“Y-yeah. I’m fine.” I hear him mumble in response. Lightning flashes, illuminating the room for a split second, but I don’t have time to see where he is. And then before I even know what’s happening, I feel myself falling. My body collides with something and hits the ground on top of it. Lightning flashes again and then I’m plunged back into darkness. But in that split second I see what has happened. Tamaki lies beneath me. I make an effort to lift myself up and suddenly feel my face start to get warm as I realise another thing. He isn’t wearing a shirt.

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 12: Tamaki_ **

On the inside I’m screaming.

Kyoya is on top of me. It’s completely dark. And I don’t have a shirt on. 

Oh _god._

Right now I wouldn’t complain if a black hole opened up beneath me and swallowed me down into a never ending vortex. At least I wouldn’t be in this situation.

I can barely see the outline of Kyoya’s figure above me. I daren’t move. I just lie there motionless, my heart racing. I can feel my cheeks burning bright red. Kyoya makes an attempt to get up, and I can feel his hand brush against my chest. A shiver runs down my spine. But he doesn’t move. Lightning flashes again and I see him, staring down at me, unmoving, and for a moment my eyes meet the gaze of his cool grey ones. Then he turns his head away.

“Sorry about this,” he mumbles as he lifts himself off me. The room is pitch black, but I assume he stands up. I pull myself upright as well, but I don’t stand up. I try and find the t-shirt that Kyoya gave me to sleep in, which is now somewhere on the floor. I can hear him shuffling around and then a bright beam of light shines onto the floor.

“Found the flashlight.” I hear him say. My eyes land on the t-shirt, and I leap forward and hurriedly pull it on. Kyoya pulls on the flashlight and turns it into a lamp before setting it down on his bedside table, letting it dimly illuminate the whole room.

I don’t turn around to face him. My cheeks must be an embarrassing shade of red. How will I ever be able to face him after this? Will I ever be able to look him in the eye again?

I can hear him rustling behind me.

“That’s your sleeping bag. You can go to sleep whenever you want. I’m just going to check on Fuyumi.”

I turn my head ever so slightly so that I can see him leave. Kyoya pauses at the doorway, and looks back at me. I snap my head forward in fear of him realising that I’m looking at him. But then I hear the echo of his footsteps on the stairs and know that he’s gone. I stay frozen for a few seconds longer, my heart pounding in my chest. And only when I’m absolutely sure that he’s gone do I turn around. I spot the sleeping bag that he got for me stretched out on the other side of his room, next to his wardrobe.

Downstairs I can hear Fuyumi and Kyoya talking but I am too shocked from the previous event to listen.

I take a deep breath and step over to the sleeping bag, lowering myself down and sliding into it. I turn over and bury my face into the pillow that Kyoya presumably also put there. My stomach twists at the memory of what happened minutes before, and I pull my knees up to my chest. Why hadn’t he gotten off me straight away? Why had he been staring at me? It doesn’t make any sense…

I hear Kyoya’s footsteps coming up the stairs again and I snap my eyes shut. If he thinks I’m asleep, I won’t have to talk to him.

He walks into the room and towards his bed. I hear him stop, and I’m tempted to open my eyes to see why. But then I feel him pull up the edge of the sleeping bag that I had left open. My whole body tenses.

“Goodnight, Tamaki.” I hear him mumble before he stands up again. The following rustle of clothes indicates that he’s getting changed into his own pyjamas. A minute later I hear the creak of his bed as he sits on it, followed by the sound of pages of a book being turned. Surely he’s not still studying? Perhaps he’s just doing a little bit of evening reading. It isn’t even that late, probably around 9 o’clock. The pounding in my chest has calmed down a little, but the pounding of the rain is still strong as ever. I slowly stretch my legs, trying to make as little noise as possible.

And somehow I manage to will myself to sleep.

Morning comes. It’s a Friday. We still have school today. Sunlight is already streaming through the window. It takes me a moment to remember where I am and why I’m here. If I don’t head home soon, I’ll be late for school. I shoot upright and start to wriggle out of the sleeping bag.

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?” Kyoya asks from his desk. I hadn’t even noticed him sitting there. I shuffle out of the sleeping bag and stand up. My back is sore from sleeping on the floor but that doesn’t really concern me right now. The memory of his eyes staring down at me shoots through my mind once again and I keep my eyes focused on the floor.

“Yes, thank you… Can I just ask what the time is?” Kyoya doesn’t reply immediately. I assume he’s looking at his watch.

“It’s only 6:45. Are you hungry? Fuyumi made us some breakfast.” I lift my head up slightly and see that he’s holding out a plate of toast to me. My initial thought is to decline it and head back home as quickly as possible. But my stomach grumbles in complaint, and I reach out to pick up one piece.

“Take the whole plate. I’ve got my own here.” As soon as I have one hand on the plate Kyoya lets it go, forcing me to hold it. He spins back on his chair and picks up his own plate.

“Um, you get to eat in your room, just like that?” I bite into a corner of the buttered toast.

“Fuyumi had to go out, so she just brought it up here for us.”  I nod, taking another bite. I haven’t had toast in a long time…

What am I doing? I really need to get home. But for some reason my body just wants to stay here a little longer…

I finish the toast and place the plate back on his desk, still avoiding looking at his face.

“Uh, I have to head home now…”

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 13: Kyoya_ **

I look up at Tamaki, who still seems to be avoiding eye contact with me.

“It’s not even 7 yet. You’re free to stay here for a while longer.” I say to him, standing up.

“It’s not that… I just really have to get home… I still have to get my school bag… ” I can see his hands gripping at the edge of his, well, my t-shirt.

“Oh, yeah, of course. Fuyumi also put your wet clothes from yesterday in the dryer. I’ll go get them for you.” Tamaki nods quickly.

10 minutes later he’s standing by the door, ready to leave.

“Thank you, for letting me stay over…” He says to me again.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you in school, correct?” Tamaki nods and then turns to leave.

“Bye,” he mumbles, before breaking out into a run and sprinting back to his house. I watch him leave, and for some reason a smile creeps onto my face. Then I turn around and head back inside.

I see him again on the bus where, once again, he ends up sitting next to me. But, as I suspected he would, he tries to avoid making eye contact. We’re in the same class, so naturally we end up walking to the first lesson together.

“Do you think you’re ready for this?” I say to him as we stop in front of the geography classroom. I must say I’m surprised when he replies with more than one word.

“I hope so, I mean, after we spent all that time studying yesterday.” The bell rings and we all pile inside the classroom. The last final. But also the last test at this school. Tamaki is seated a few rows ahead of me near the window. The teacher hands out the papers. She tells us to begin, and our hour starts to tick away.

Even though I try and place all my focus on the paper in front of me, my eyes keep flicking up to look at him.  His head is dropped down and his hair forms a curtain around his face, preventing me from seeing it. While the rest of his body is completely still, his hand is writing away furiously. I smile to myself. I guess the studying did pay off.

I sense the teacher glaring at me and quickly snap my head back down to look at my own paper. I only have two questions left. Two questions and 15 minutes. I can do that without a problem.

The last minute draws near, and the sound of pages being turned ripples throughout the classroom. The final bell rings, and pens clatter to the table. For a minute there is complete silence as the teacher collects the tests, followed by the scraping of chair legs against the floor. All the while I keep my eyes trained on Tamaki. He seems calm, which is good. After the Maths final we had last week, I thought he was going to have a breakdown, his hands were shaking so much.

I wait for him outside the classroom and once he exits it, I start to walk beside him. Tamaki seems a bit shocked at first, but then he adjusts his bag and continues to walk.

“How did it go?” I ask him.

“Okay, I guess. How about you?”

“Okay as well.” Tamaki nods and keeps looking down at the ground.

“Well, I’ve got chemistry now. You’ve got biology, right?” He nods again.

“I’ll see you later then.” And I turn down the hallway. I spot Renge already waiting for me.

“Hey, Kyoya! I wanted to talk to you about something. Right, so you know how the theme for Prom is the galaxy or something?”

“Wear the colours of the galaxy,” Hikaru corrects her.

“Yeah well, anyway. My dress is going to be dark purple and black so could you wear something that matches?” I nod absentmindedly. I don’t really care about Prom all that much. The bell rings, and once again I’m pulled along in the unchanging flow of an average school day.

But suddenly Tamaki is everywhere. Chatting with Haruhi. Getting a book from his locker. Sitting near the window in the classroom. Waiting in line for lunch. Wherever I look, my eyes always land on him. On a few occasions he’s already looking over at me when I look over at him. But he’s always quick to turn his head away.

Over the course of the week, I attempt to start conversations with him. Most of them don’t amount to anything, but I can tell he’s starting to ease up. We even manage to get onto the topic of our favourite books. I keep noticing things about him, like that he always grips the edge of his shirt when he’s uncomfortable. Or that he always seems uneasy whenever I stand too close to him, so I’ve refrained from doing that.

Sometimes I ask myself why I go to all the extra trouble when it’s about him. Why my gaze lingers on him whenever I turn my head. And why I feel the need to protect him, to help him. Why I get this feeling whenever I’m around him. I felt it back then, when I saw him crouching under a tree in the rain. And I felt it in my gut when I saw him nearly die. And I felt it when he came to my front door in the middle of a storm. I felt in my chest whenever he smiled at me, no matter how fleeting that smile was. And I felt it when I crashed into him in the pitch darkness of my room.

Up until now I’ve dismissed the feeling. I didn’t want to think about what it could actually be. But you can’t put something off forever. And on Wednesday afternoon it dawns on me.

I care for him. More than platonically.

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 14: Tamaki_ **

At first I didn’t understand why Kyoya was talking to me so much. And I couldn’t understand why I actually liked it that he did.

“You seem to be hanging around with Kyoya quite a bit lately. Are you guys friends now or something?” Haruhi had said to me on Wednesday after the last period.

I had replied with a simple, “Yeah, I guess.”

But I didn’t stop thinking about it. And I still haven’t. As soon as I step into the thankfully quiet house, I run up to my room. I discard my bag by the door and drop down onto the bed.  

Are we friends? What defines a friend? I know Haruhi is my friend. She always greets me when I get to school, we have lunch together, chat about things, and sometimes we walk to class together. What about Kyoya? He sometimes walks with me to classes as well. He talks to me, and I’ve started to try and talk back. Does that mean he qualifies as a friend?

I guess friends are also people you feel secure with. With Haruhi I’m usually calm. Although I’m never my true self with her. All it is, is smiles and never ever do I show her what I really feel inside. She knows that my mother is in France, but only that. But then Kyoya… he’s seen me in a state. He’s seen my hollow looks. And without me having to tell him, he figured out not everything is okay back at home. In a way, he knows more about the real me than Haruhi does, even though he’s been… interacting with me for barely two weeks. There’s no need for me to plaster on smiles when I’m with him. He knows they aren’t real, so there really isn’t a point. Whenever I’m around him, I’m never at ease, but there’s always a strange sense of security lingering in my mind. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it.

So yes, I guess he is a friend.

I drape an arm across my face, sighing. But then another thing crosses my mind, and I roll over onto my stomach.

I’ve caught him looking at me from across the classroom, hallway, lunch hall, wherever we are. The embarrassing thing is that he’s caught me looking at him as well. But that’s not the problem. There’s nothing wrong with looking at another person every while and then, right? The problem is that whenever I turn my head and catch him looking, I can feel my cheeks get warm. And whenever he catches me looking at him, he turns his head and a little smile creeps onto his lips.

I roll back onto my back

Maybe that’s just what friends do? I mean, how could I know? I’ve only had one friend, and that’s Haruhi. But deep down I know that these types of looks aren’t exchanged between friends. And another thing. Why is it that whenever he steps toward me to start a conversation, a smile nearly always creeps onto my lips, and a feeling of happiness swirls in my chest? And why do I feel a pang of sadness whenever he steps forward and it isn’t to talk to me?

I grab a pillow and press it to my stomach.

It’s not like that with Haruhi. Haruhi is just, well, Haruhi. I’ve been friends with her since the beginning of school. When she talks to me I feel better, I guess. But I don’t get the warm feeling like I do when he talks to me.

I guess this feeling is just the thrill of having a new friend.

My head starts to hurt from overthinking, so I sit up and decide to abandon the subject. I’ll ask Haruhi tomorrow.  

At lunch on Wednesday I sit down next to Haruhi, like I always do. I spot Kyoya a few tables away. He’s not looking at me, but I still turn my head away as soon as he moves ever so slightly.

“Haruhi?” I say to her. She turns her head, her mouth full of the sandwich she just took a bite of.

“Mhm?”

I look down at the tray in front of me, trying to figure out how to say what I want to say.

“What does it mean when you get this warm feeling when somebody talks to you?”  I turn my head to face her again.

“Hypothetically.” I add quickly. Haruhi swallows then thinks for a moment.

“Okay so do you, hypothetically, also get kinda sad when this same person doesn’t talk to you? And get kinda nervous when they’re around you?” It’s scary how exact she’s being. I nod slowly.

“And do you keep finding yourself looking at them?” My eyes instinctively flick up to where Kyoya is sitting, but I quickly pull them back down again and hope Haruhi didn’t notice. When I look back at her she’s grinning at me.

“What?” I ask her.

“ _That_ , is a crush.”

I can feel my whole face heat up. That was not the answer I expected. Yet now that I think about it, it’s always like this in books. Why hadn’t I thought of it yesterday? I know why, because I didn’t want to believe it. I can’t have a crush on him. I just can’t.

 _But why?_ My insides say to me.

 _Because he’s a guy for god’s sake._  

I don't want to believe that it's even possible.

Haruhi starts to giggle, and that’s enough for me to know that my face has probably turned a bright shade of red.

“So, who’s the lucky girl?” She whispers, poking me with her unused fork.

“There isn’t one…” I mumble, because there isn’t. There isn't, and there won't be.

 

_  
_

****

**_CHAPTER 15: Kyoya_ **

Isn’t it odd, how when you discover your feelings towards another person, you can never quite look at them in the same way? You notice every little thing about them. The way their hair falls across their face, the way their chest rises and falls as they breathe. You notice their hands lying limply beside them and imagine your own wrapped around it. You notice the slightest change in their mood.

It’s like that when Tamaki sits down next to me on the bus on Thursday morning. There’s something different about him. I can’t tell whether it’s just my imagination working on the basis of what I figured out the previous night or not, but he seems more skittish than usual. I am slightly uneasy myself. I do not know the full extent of my emotions towards him, but I do know that they are more than platonic.

I try not to think about it. I know that if I continue on this uncertain path, the love will be unrequited. So instead I push it to the back of my mind.

Even though we do not do much apart from talk, I enjoy spending time with Tamaki. I do not know why and I cannot explain it, but I enjoy it. If I were to tell him what I feel towards him, there is a possibility that I’d lose him as a friend. That isn’t a risk I’m willing to take. Furthermore, no one yet knows about my, _ahem_ , preferences.  

Emotions are a weird thing. The worst part about the one they call _love_ is that you have little or no control over it. My heart has chosen Tamaki, and no matter how inappropriate or odd it may be, there is nothing I can do. The one good thing about love is that it can more often than not, unlike sadness or happiness, be hidden. That is what I do. I hide it. At least I try to.

During the day I find my gaze lingering on him more and more often. But I’m being careless, and a couple of times Renge notices and tries to see what I’m looking at, but thankfully she hasn’t yet seemed to figure it out. It happens again at lunch.

“Hello? Earth to Kyoya? You need to stop spacing out. What are you looking at anyway?” I focus my eyes back on my plate as she turns her head in search of my previous point of interest and I hope that Tamaki has sat down already.

Renge turns her head back to me, then over her shoulder again, trying to figure out what I was looking at. When she slowly turns her head back to me there’s a grin plastered on her face, and for a second my heart drops.

“You were looking at one of those girls, weren’t you?” I glance in Tamaki’s general direction and sure enough, there’s a group of girls sat at the table in front of him.

“I was not.” I’m not going to lie to her, but I’m not going to tell her the truth either.

“I knew it! So, which one do you like? The brunette? The blonde one with the ponytail? They’re in the year below us, so I don’t know what their names are… shame we’ll only be at school for another week and a day, otherwise I could’ve helped you get one of their numbers. Although I’m sure there’s someone out there for you…”

I know the ‘someone’ she’s talking about is her. It’s common knowledge that she likes me. Every time it’s brought up she denies it, though. Maybe in a parallel universe I could return that love, but not in this one. No, not in this one.

I sigh, glancing back at Tamaki. I don’t need to worry about Renge right now, she’s preoccupied with her phone, probably messaging a friend or using one of the many social media applications she is registered to.

As usual he’s eating his lunch with Haruhi. I feel a slight pinch in my chest as I realise that it would be nice if for once I could be the one sitting next to him.

Maybe one day I will be able to be the one beside him. Tomorrow is Friday. And then…

And all of a sudden it dawns on me.

There’s only a week left of school. A week from tomorrow is Prom. That means that I’ll only be at this school for another 5 days. That means that I’ll be at the same school as Tamaki for only 5 more days. I’ll see him at graduation, but that’s only for a short period of time, so it doesn’t really count. We’re going to different universities after this, and I doubt we will stay friends.

I realise that I am faced with two choices.

  1. Continue being friends with Tamaki and mention nothing of my true feelings towards him, and then live with the regret of never saying anything



or

  1. Tell him how I feel before next Friday and risk rejection, but either way feel better that I have actually told him.



At this moment in time I cannot decide which option is better. If I go with the first option, I know that I will forever regret not telling him. I won’t lose him as a friend if I stay quiet, but in time it is inevitable that we will grow apart. We’re not that close as it is.

If I go with the second option I will have to take the risk of losing him as a friend. But in the highly unlikely occurrence that he likes me as well, there will be lots to gain from telling him.

Then again, I do not know his view on people like me. I do not think I could handle the look on his face if he was to be disgusted by me.

Whichever option I choose, I will most likely be saddened by the outcome. However, in the second option there is a chance, no matter how small, that his feelings will match mine.

And I know as a fact that I am never good with keeping such high strung emotions in me for long. Sooner or later, they’ll come gushing out.

And it seems like option 2 had been decided for me from the start.   

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 16: Tamaki_ **

I can’t have a crush on him. I just can’t.

Firstly, he is a guy. And I am also a guy. For one guy to like another guy it’s just… it’s not right. And I barely know him, how could I like him? I mean, it’s just, I…

I don’t know.

I just don’t know.

I’ve never felt like this before. I’m just so confused.

_“That, is a crush.”_

Haruhi’s words ring in my ears. Everything that she said applied to me. But it can’t be true… can it? It just-

“Hey, Tamaki.” My mind snaps back to reality at the sound of his voice. For a moment I’m disoriented. I glance at the clock in the hallway. 12:03, so lunchtime. It’s Friday. I’m standing in the hallway by my locker. My books are still in my hands. I was… putting them away.

And now Kyoya is standing before me.

Usually in this kind of situation I would wish that I could just be swallowed by the earth. And, no surprise, that’s how I feel right now as well.  But for some reason I don’t feel the usual sense of uncomfort in the pit of my gut. It’s still there, but instead I feel it bubbling in my chest.

“H-hi.” I didn’t mean to stutter. Oh god, why did I stutter? And why can I feel the heat rising in my cheeks? I turn my head away from him and push the books into my locker. Kyoya clears his throat.

“Would you like to eat lunch together today? Renge has a meeting with the drama club or something. And If I understand correctly, so does Haruhi?”

My heartbeat quickens. But he’s right. Haruhi does have a meeting with the drama club. That means that I would end up eating by myself. But now he’s asking me to eat lunch with him. What does this mean? How come he’s never asked me to eat with him before? Am I just overthinking? Or maybe-

 _Calm down!_  

I try to take a deep breath as subtly as possible. Okay, okay. Friends eat together all the time. This is all that this is. One friend asking another. That’s all. I don’t know why I’m freaking out so much over this. My thoughts are all over the place. Even in my mind, I can’t form a single normal sentence. I’m not usually like this.

I pull my head back and look at him. For the first time I notice how incredibly smooth his hair looks. But then I immediately pull my thoughts back to where they should be. Why am I even thinking these kinds of things?

I desperately try to think of a normal sounding answer, but when two seconds pass and I can’t think of anything I just nod. Kyoya nods back.

“We should probably hurry up if we want to beat the queue.” He says, turning his head down the corridor. I nod again. Right now nodding is the only thing I can do. I push my locker door shut and follow after Kyoya when he starts to walk.

The hallways are mostly empty, and I suddenly feel very conscious about how close to each other we are walking.

_“That, is a crush.”_

Could she be right? I don’t want to believe it, but the more I think about it, the more possible it seems.

“Tamaki? Are you alright? You seem troubled.”

_That’s because I’m freaking out because I think I might have a crush on you._

“I-I’m fine.” I reply, then turn my head away and cringe because I stuttered again. I hate stuttering. It makes me sound weak and not in control which is, sadly, exactly what I feel like right now.

“If you say so.”  

Much to my surprise, we manage to walk to the lunch hall and get our food without a problem. I somehow find myself easing up by the time we find a seat. For some reason I’m more at ease around him. Kind of like with Haruhi. But with Kyoya I always feel a sense of anxiousness in my chest that isn’t present when I’m with Haruhi.

“Isn’t it scary how this is actually our last Friday here?” Kyoya remarks as he starts to unwrap his sandwich.

Suddenly I feel like every eye in the room is on us. It’s always like that when someone tries to talk to me in the lunch hall, or any crowded place. I never liked talking in here. On top of it being crowded, it’s noisy. That means that I have to raise my voice to be heard. And I’m always paranoid that someone is listening to me. No one knows this, but after I stopped trying to make conversation at lunch, Haruhi just gave up trying as well. But now there’s something bugging me inside that _wants_ me to keep the conversation going. No matter how much my mind is protesting, something else inside me _wants_ to keep talking to him.

“It really is scary how quickly the time goes…” I reply, looking up at him. His sandwich is halfway to his mouth when he pauses.

“It’s a shame we hadn’t become friends earlier.” He smiles at me before biting into his sandwich.

Such a harmless comment. Yet to me it means so much. I don’t reply. I don’t know how. But I can feel a smile tugging at the edges of my mouth.

“Yeah…”

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 17: Kyoya_ **

_It’s a shame,_ I think to myself, _because I like you._

Halfway through lunch we start to chat again. We have the next period together, so we don’t stop talking until the bell rings. Half the time I’m not even sure what we’re talking about. But somehow the words seem to flow out of our mouths. And in the end it turns out to be the longest conversation we’ve ever had with each other.

And so our last Friday together draws to a close. This time I beat him to the bus stop, but only because I somehow manage to slip past Hikaru and Kaoru unnoticed.

“Hey,” I say to him as Tamaki nears me.

“Hi,” He replies with an almost-smile. The bus pulls up and we step on board. These days, me and Tamaki sit next to each other. That way it guarantees that we’ll both get a seat; whoever gets on first puts their bag on the other seat, therefore ‘reserving’ it for the other. Although I do it mainly for Tamaki’s benefit, to save him from all the awkward ‘there are only a few seats left’ situations. What do I get from it? Well, I get to sit next to Tamaki.

The doors slide shut. After a few minutes I turn to the boy beside me.

“You know Tamaki, we live quite close to each other. We could always meet up after school.” His whole body seems to tense up, and I notice the tips of his ears flushing red.

“Y-yeah I guess we could, it’s just that, well, my grandma- my dad, I mean, I don’t know if, uh,”

Somehow I manage to make sense of the jumble of words coming out of his mouth.

“Strict parents?”

“Well, strict parent…” He replies, but nods anyway.

“I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you went out for an hour or so. Now it’s-” I pause to look down at my watch. “3:12. How does four o’clock sound?”

Tamaki blinks at me once, then twice before he finally nods. The bus slows down as it nears my stop

“Alright, I’ll see you then.” I smile at him briefly before stepping off the bus and heading towards my house.

At exactly four o’clock I’m standing beside one of the trees opposite his house. Everything is quiet. The early summer heat makes everything so much more still. I can hear shouts echoing from inside his house and wonder what is going on. A moment later Tamaki appears, coming towards me from the side of the house. I greet him with a smile.

“Shall we?”

We start to walk down the road, in the direction of the small forest at the edge of the village.

“So, what did they say?” Tamaki shrugs, “They didn’t care…”

We turn left down the forest path. It’s much cooler here, much to my relief. We walk in silence for another few minutes, but I don’t really mind. I’m happy just walking here with him. Then I remember something that had been bugging me earlier. For a second, I decide against asking him about it, but then curiosity gets the better of me.

“Hey, Tamaki. Earlier on the bus you said you had _a_ strict parent. Do you only have one?”

The way I ask him is so blunt, and I regret it as soon as I see his reaction. Tamaki stops in his track and focuses his gaze at the ground, tugging at the edge of his shirt with both hands.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”                                                  

Tamaki shakes his head. “No, no it’s fine. I guess it’s better if I do tell you. It’s just… I haven’t told anyone before.” I take a step closer to him.

“Not everything is alright back at home, is it?” He shakes his head again and slides down to the ground, his back against a tree. I sit down beside him. And then he tells me everything. He tells me about his mother in France, he tells me about how his grandmother hates him. And there’s nothing I can do but listen. I’m too shocked to do anything else. I had guessed that things weren’t exactly perfect for him back at home, but I never imagined something like this. But now that I think back, all the hurried ‘I should really go home’ and the false smiles make sense.

Now he’s leaning against the tree, head dropped down, silent tears streaming down his cheeks. This is the second time I’ve seen him cry. And it hurts me to see him like this.

“And you’ve never told anyone this before?” He shakes his head.

“But why not?” He sniffles before lifting his head back up to look at me.

“Because… I was scared. A-And I know it’s stupid. I’m nearly 18 and I’m scared. I’m such a pathetic excuse for a human being…”

I shuffle closer to him and search for his hand. I find it and intertwine my fingers with his, squeezing lightly.

“Hey, hey, don’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with being scared about a thing like this. And you’re not pathetic. What you did just now took so much courage. You’re so strong, Tamaki.”

He sniffles again, dragging a hand across his face to wipe his eyes. Then with no warning whatsoever he lets his body drop to the side so that he’s leaning against my shoulder.

“Thank you, Kyoya.” He mumbles.

We stay there for another hour or so before Tamaki decides that he should go back. He hadn’t even told anyone that he left and he was scared they’d get angry. Our hands stay clasped around each other. As we near his house I tug him back gently.

“Hey, Tamaki. I want to show you something. Could I come get you at midnight?” His still slightly puffy eyes widen.

“What? Why at midnight?”

“I can’t show you during the day.” I all I say to him. It’s a bit of a risk asking him to meet me at midnight, and I realise that he’ll probably say no. With what I now know about him added to the equation, it’s even more probable that he’ll just shake his head and run back home.

“Okay.” He says after a second, surprising me substantially. Then he quickly runs across the road to his house, only glancing back at me briefly before heading inside.

Emotions bubble up inside me, and I release them with a short sigh.

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 18: Tamaki_ **

I told someone. I _actually_ told someone. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. The problem is still there and there’s no way for me to change that, but I’m still so relieved that now I’m not the only one who knows about it. I think back to it now and I’m embarrassed at how it all poured out of me. I must have said so many things which didn’t make sense and just jumbled up my words in general. But I got it out. That’s what matters the most to me right now.

I dash up the stairs to my room and close the door behind me. I drop down onto the floor and cover my face with my hands. He held my hand. No, _we_ held hands _._ It just felt so natural. Like my hand belonged there, intertwined with his.

And what is this thing that he wants to show me at midnight? What could he possibly have to show me at _midnight_ of all times? Now that I think about it, showing me something at midnight would require me to sneak out of the house. I’ve never done anything like that before. My heart starts to beat at the mere thought of it.

I glance at the clock perched on my bedside table. It’s nearly 6. That still leaves another 6 hours before midnight. What am I going to do until then? The logical thing to do would be sleep. But I can’t sleep. Not now. My mind is buzzing. I could never fall asleep in a state like this.

I roll over and pull myself up. I, at least, have to eat something. Even though right now I’m not exactly in the mood for eating. I have to make grandmother dinner at eight anyway, I’ll eat then.

By the time the clock nears midnight I haven’t slept at all. I’m still dressed in the same clothes as earlier, just with an extra top on. It gets quite chilly at night.

As soon as I see the minute hand reach 12 I leap off my bed. I haven’t even thought this out. 6 hours and I haven’t spent a single one trying to figure out how to even get out of the house. My mind overflows with scenarios. What if I can’t find a way out and Kyoya ends up waiting outside for nothing? What if I do manage to get out and he doesn’t even come? I pace across my room and eventually decide that climbing out of my window would be the least risky option. That’s what they do in the movies, right?

I pull it open as quietly as possible, all the while panicking that I’ll get caught. I stick my head out and see that the only way for me to get down would be to hang on to the window ledge and then drop down the rest of the way.

I step back and shut the window.

No. I couldn’t. No way.

 

That means my only option now is walking down the stairs and getting out the back door. I creep out of my room and to the top of the stairs. For I second I consider bailing out. If I get caught it’s the end of me. But no, I can’t do that. Kyoya is probably waiting for me already. I can’t bail out now. I’ve gotten this far already.

I tiptoe down onto the first step and wince as it creaks. My heart beat echoes in my ears as I make my way to the landing, doing my best not to fall down the stairs in the dark. I don’t want to turn on any lights. Do that and the chance that I’ll be caught is even bigger.

And now I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been up this late. I don’t know what time my grandmother goes to sleep. I don’t know when my father goes to sleep, either. I hear him walking up the stairs in the evening, but I never check what time it is. For all I know, he could go to bed at 3 am.

The whole house is silent. I feel like my breathing can be heard throughout it, and I try and quieten myself down.

I take a deep breath. There are two ways out of the house; front door or back door. In theory the back door should be safer, but it goes past the kitchen. If my grandmother is still awake, there is a possibility that she’s in the kitchen. Either way, there’s a chance I’ll get caught. My heart pounds in my chest and my breathing is quick. The longer I stand here, the bigger the chance I’ll be caught. The more I move around the house, the bigger the chance I’ll be caught.

_THEN JUST GET OUT OF IT ALREADY._

I take another deep breath and make a dash for the back door, stepping as lightly as I can. There’s enough moonlight streaming through the glass pane on the door for me to be able to see where the handle is. I grab it and push the door open, jumping out into the cool night air. I close the door shut behind me as quietly as I can, then I take a few steps away from the house.

I did it. I sneaked out. Some of the tightness in my chest suddenly evaporates.

Kyoya must be waiting for me. I creep around the house, relieved to see that someone closed the curtains in the living room. I reach the roadside, but there’s no sign of him.

“Hey,” I try to suppress the scream crawling up my throat, and all that manages to get out is a small, scared squeak.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. But I didn’t want to go stand under the streetlight like a murderer.” My vision adjusts to the dark and I see Kyoya standing beside me.  

“It’s fine.” He nods before turning around and starting to walk in the direction of his village. I follow beside him, and soon we fall into step.

“Where are we going?” I say. I can see that we are getting rather close to his house, and after the time I slept over I don’t think I want to go there again.

“You’ll see.” Suddenly he grabs my hand and pulls me off the road and towards the forest. He keeps walking straight into it, still pulling me behind him. A flash of panic runs through me.  This is how murders happen. Alone, in the middle of the woods, in the dark.

I push the thought out of my head. I’m just being overly paranoid. Kyoya has no reason to kill me. Why am I even thinking those kinds of things?

It’s dark, but Kyoya somehow manages to avoid every tree and branch. He seems to know this place by heart.

All of a sudden he stops, and I would’ve crashed straight into the tree before us had he not tugged me back.

“We’re here.” He announces, letting go of my hand. Here? I look around myself. We seem to be at the edge of the forest. The other edge, not the one facing his house. I know the forest is thinner here, but we couldn’t have been walking for more than five minutes. So why stop here?

Kyoya takes a step to the side of a tree and then he starts to… _walk up the tree?_ I step forward and see- _oh, a ladder._

I watch as he makes it to the top of the ladder and disappears through a hole. I now notice some kind of platform in the branches of the tree.

“Come on, Tamaki.” He calls down to me. I take a deep breath and place my hand on the first rung.

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 19: Kyoya_ **

I wait, listening to the sound of the rungs of the ladder creaking. Somewhere in the distance an owl hoots.

Then finally Tamaki’s head pops through the hole in the platform. I help him up, and only when we’re both seated comfortably does he turn to me.

“What is this?” He asks me. His voice sounds so warm against the crisp, early summer night.

“I have two older brothers; they built this. It was supposed to be a treehouse, but they only got as far as building the floor before they gave up.” Tamaki keeps looking at me. At least, I think he’s looking at me. I can’t tell in this dark, and even with the light of the moon the trees are casting odd shadows across his face.

“So… why did you bring me here?”

I smile, “Turns out this is actually an excellent place for stargazing.”

Tamaki tilts his head back, and I watch as his eyes widen with awe.

“Wow…” He sighs, positioning his arms behind him so that he can see more of the night sky. I look up as well. It’s an exceptionally clear night tonight, just like I had hoped. Every star twinkles brightly, making them appear so much closer than they really are.

“It’s really beautiful…” Tamaki whispers.

“It really is.”

And even though tonight, it may be especially beautiful, I still lower my head. I’ve never seen Tamaki so at ease. I don’t want to forget this moment.

Tamaki turns his head back to me, a small smile on his face. It is now that I realise just how close we are. If I were to move my hand only a centimetre forward it would brush against his. He realises it too, and his eyes widen slightly. In this moment I discover exactly why they call it ‘eye contact’.

And all of a sudden, the stars are in his eyes.

My heartbeat quickens, and before I know what I’m doing I can feel myself leaning forward. Somewhere in the back of my mind, someone is screaming at me to stop, that I shouldn’t be doing this. But it’s already too late for that now.

My eyes slide shut and I feel my lips brush lightly against his. But then I stop there. Our breaths mingle in the cool night air. I open my eyes and straighten my back, turning away from him.

Isn’t this what I wanted? Then why don’t I feel right about this?

“I-I’m sorry…”

It’s because I don’t know whether it’s what he wants. And I want to be the last person to make him feel uncomfortable.

“Why did you do that…” His voice is so small and gentle; it’s barely audible in the night-time hum.

I’ve messed up. I’ve ruined it all. Why was I so stupid?

“Just forget it…” I stand up. Almost instantly I hear Tamaki standing up as well, the planks of wood creaking as he does.

“Just tell me, why did you do that?” I sigh. Why is he being so persistent? Isn’t it obvious? But I guess there’s no point in lying now. I turn around to face him.

“Why? Why do you think? Because I like you, idiot.” Tamaki stays glued to the spot, gripping at the edge of his shirt. It all feels so petty. Like some teenage romantic drama, if that’s even a thing.

And then he steps forward, and his lips are on mine. I don’t know how to react. _This_ , I definitely wasn’t expecting. It’s different than before.  I can feel the warmth of his lips against mine. And frankly, I can barely believe what is happening. A warmth from my chest seeps all over my body.

Yet at the same time it’s all so strange. We were barely friends, and now this? Although you can never predict the path your life will take.

The kiss is short and tender, but I savour every moment of it. Tamaki pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. He’s only a centimetre or two taller than me, so it’s no problem. I search for his hands and intertwine my fingers with his.

“Why did you ask me why I kissed you earlier?” I whisper to him.

“I… I guess I wasn’t sure if you actually liked me.”

“I kissed you. Wasn’t it obvious?”

“I just needed to hear you say it.” A smile grows on my lips. We stay like that for a few minutes, just trying to come to terms with how, from this day forward, we won’t be _just_ friends.

“Did you bring me up here just to kiss me?” Tamaki whispers to me at one point. I let out a short laugh.

“No, not at all. My only intention was to show you how nice the sky looks from here. But I guess it worked out better than that.”

Tamaki smiles. A proper full faced wide smile. His whole face lights up. And I’m so happy to have been able to witness it.

And then he shivers.

“Cold?” He nods.

I let go of his hands and wrap them around his shoulders, pulling him into a soft embrace. I can feel his heartbeat against my chest and he curls his arms around my waist.

“This is so weird…” He mumbles, his voice partially muffled by my jumper.

“But a good kind of weird, right?”

“Yeah. Definitely a good kind of weird.”

 

_  
_

_**CHAPTER 20: Tamaki** _

Sometime later we decide that maybe we should get home. We don’t want our parents to find an empty bed.

Kyoya holds my hand all the way back. We stop a few meters from my house, hidden by the shadows of the trees.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then? Well, technically today.” I let out a quiet laugh and nod. But then I wonder if he can even see me. The moon has hidden itself behind some clouds.

“Yeah.” I add. “But when?”

“I’ll come to you. You’ve got a phone, right?” We quickly exchange numbers. And then it’s time to say goodbye. I can see the vague outline of Kyoya leaning forward, and then his nose crashes into mine.

“Er, sorry. I can’t really see much because of the dark.” I try to hold back a laugh. He removes one of his hands from mine, then I feel his fingertips brush against my cheek. I hold my breath as they trail across to my nose, and down to my lips.  

“There we go.” He places a quick kiss on my lips.

“Goodnight, Tamaki.”

“Goodnight, Kyoya.” He lets go of my other hand, and I turn to leave. I only look back once, right before I turn the corner to go behind my house. I can barely make out Kyoya, but I can see him give me a quick wave before disappearing into the night. I turn the corner and creep back inside the house. Somehow I make it back to my room without crashing into anything. And as soon as I close my bedroom door my mind explodes.

_Oh my god._

Kyoya kissed me. And then I kissed him. And then he held me. And then he held my hand the whole way back. And then he kissed me _again_.

_Oh. My. God._

Kyoya likes me. He actually likes me _in that way._ And Haruhi was right. Oh, Haruhi was _so right_. She’s always right. But she’s never been more right.  

I grab a pillow off my bed and squeeze it tightly, pressing my face into it and letting out a giddy laugh.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, probably for the first time since I got it. My father bought it for me three years back, but I’ve never really had any use for it. I only have two people saved as contacts anyway, my father and Haruhi. Well, I only had two people before today.

The screen is far too bright in the dark room, but after a few seconds I manage to make out _NEW MESSAGE_ written on the top. I tap it, eager to see what I received. A smile spreads across my face as I see his name at the top. And underneath, a simple two-word message.

_Sleep well._

I grin like an idiot. And even though he’s not even here, I feel myself blush. I want to type a good night of my own, but how do I even reply to something like this? I don’t know the rules in the world of texting. Does replying immediately make me seem too eager? Is not replying immediately seen as rude? Are you even supposed to reply to goodnight messages?

I don’t know what to do. I settle on a simple _You too._ And as soon as I’ve pressed send I immediately regret it.

What if he thinks I’m too eager and decides that liking me was a mistake? What if there’s an unspoken rule that I don’t know about which says that you don’t reply to goodnight messages? What if…

I throw my phone onto my bed. It bounces once, then slides down the slide and crashed onto the ground. I wince and hope that nobody heard it.

It can lie there until the morning. I’ll just stress about it otherwise. It must be 2 AM already. I should probably get to sleep…

I get changed into my pyjamas as fast as I can and slip into bed.  

 _That, is a crush,_ Haruhi had said. And I replied that it was impossible.

 _Because I like you, idiot,_ Kyoya had said. And I replied with a kiss.

How come things can change so quickly? In the space of just three days I went from saying that I could never have feelings from him to being the one kissing him. If someone had come to me from the future and said to me “Hey! You know that boy you sit with on the bus? Well after Friday night you won’t be able to stop thinking about the way his lips felt against yours!” I would’ve laughed at them. And I don’t laugh that often.

I need to sleep. What if Kyoya decides to come before noon? Or what if he even calls me in the morning? If he sees me when I’m sleep-deprived he’ll definitely have second thoughts.

I squeeze my eyes shut and remember the way it felt when he hugged me close to him. Soon enough I fall asleep, lulled by thoughts of him.

My eyes snap open. What time is it? By rolling over I can see that it’s only 9:30. My phone. Where’s my phone? I reach down the side of my bed and fumble around until my hand brushes against it. I pull it up and glare at the screen.

No new messages. No missed calls.

I’m relieved, but at the same time slightly disappointed. I swing my legs off the bed and head to the kitchen.

I spend the day busying myself with chores. For the first time ever I keep my phone in my pocket the whole time. When it buzzes a little after 3 o’clock I nearly jump. I never even bothered to change the ringtone, and try to answer it as quickly as I can to silence the shrill ringing.

“Hello?” I say, pressing it against my ear.

“Hi.” At the sound of his voice a smile spreads across my lips.

“Hey.”

“Are you busy right now?”

 

**CHAPTER 21: Kyoya**

“No, I’m not doing anything.”

“So I can come to get you now?”

He pauses, and I can almost feel him smiling g.

“Yeah.” I get up off my bed and start to walk towards the front door.

“I’m on my way.” I hit ‘end call’ and pull on my shoes. Did I end it too sharply? Maybe I should have at least let him reply first.

As soon as I step outside I notice grey clouds looming on the horizon. For a second I consider taking an umbrella, but I go against it. They do not concern me, the clouds. They’re still far away. It won’t rain for at least another five hours, if it rains at all.

A couple of minutes I’m proved wrong. Very wrong.

The rain starts when I’m only meters from Tamaki’s house. Oh why didn’t I take that umbrella? I lift my arm up in an attempt to shield myself from the rain as I dash down the road to the nearest tree. There’s no thunder, so it’s safe. I could run across the road and hope Tamaki lets me inside. But judging by what he told me yesterday, that doesn’t seem like such a good idea. I guess I’ll just stand under this tree and wait for Tamaki to come out.

Seconds later I see the front door slide open and Tamaki slips outside. And above his head he’s holding…

Oh. He’s holding my umbrella. The bright green one I lent to him that day. It seems like forever since I first saw him there, though in reality it was only two weeks ago.

Tamaki crosses the road and makes his way towards me.

“Hi,”

“Hi.”

“Nice umbrella you have there.”

Tamaki turns his head away slightly. I think he blushes, but I can’t really tell. Not with this green glow illuminating his face.

“Sorry, I was meaning to return it. I just wasn’t sure when. Or how. Plus it’s the only umbrella I have right now…”

I step forward so I too am covered by the umbrella. That means that I end up being very close to Tamaki. So close, in fact, that our hands brush against each other. I take advantage of the situation and wrap my hand around his. Tamaki’s whole body tenses up and he quickly pulls his hand away. He glares at me, his eyes wide open.

“What are you doing? What is somebody sees?” He snaps at me. I see the fear in his eyes and realise that if word got back to his grandmother that he was seen holding hands with a boy it’d be the end for him.

“I’m sorry,”

We start to walk away from his house, away from his village. At the crossroads we turn right, onto the road that leads to yet another village. I brush the back my hand against his.

“No one will see us out here. And besides, no one goes outside in the rain.”  

I curl my hand around his and this time, he doesn’t pull away. There’s something about holding just Tamaki’s hand that makes my chest feel all warm. It’s not like I’ve never held anyone’s hand before. In the odd occasion that I did hold hands with someone other than a family member it felt like, well, holding someone’s hand. But with Tamaki it’s like I’m holding something delicate, something precious. Hold it too tight and it will crack, don’t hold on tight enough and it will fall and break. I have to be careful. And that’s why I savour every moment of it. Being so close to his hand and not being able to hold it was practically torture for me.

Tamaki’s grip loosens on the umbrella, and for a second I’m exposed to the rain once again.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, pulling the umbrella over me again. It’s such a bright green colour. I honestly don’t know why our family would buy such a thing. Maybe it was a gift from somebody…

“You can keep it, if you want.” I say, without really thinking about it.

“What? N-no I couldn’t I mean it’s yours-“

“No, really. You can if you need it. We have lots of other umbrellas at home. And I’ve never seen anyone use this one before. My parents probably wouldn’t even notice its absence.”

He nods and is silent for a moment before he adds “Thank you,”

“Don’t worry about it.” I squeeze his hand lightly, and I’m not sure whether I’m just imagining it, but I feel him squeeze back.

We’re both quiet for a few more minutes, just walking in the rain and enjoying each other’s company. Then I remember something that had been sitting in the back of my mind.

“Say, Tamaki, are you going to Prom?”

 

 

_CHAPTER 22: Tamaki_

The feeling that had started to bubble up in my chest immediately vanishes. As does the smile that was creeping onto my lips. He had been squeezing my hand, and I had been squeezing it back. We turned it into a game; if he squeezed twice, I did too. If he did it quickly once, so did I.

But now he’s ruined it. Because he just _had_ to ask that question.

I’d been avoiding it for so long. But now I’m cornered. There’s no door for me to run out of, no book to hide my face behind.

So instead I look at the ground.

“No…”

“Why? Because of your grandmother?”

No, Kyoya. Because a frog told me I can’t.

“She said it’s a waste of time. A waste of money.” How is it that I find myself telling the truth all the time around him? It’s like he knows exactly what strings to pull to make it all come tumbling out.

“But it’s Prom. You can only go to Prom once in your life.”

“I know I know… And even if I wanted to go, I don’t have anything to wear. I have a white shirt, but that’s it…”

“Do you want to go?”

Do I want to go? At the moment I have three big wishes. Number 1: See my mother again. Number 2: Get my grandmother to stop purposely making my life a misery. Number 3: Go to Prom. I think back to all those Thursday afternoons I worked on Prom organization. For that whole period I imagined myself at Prom. But then I remembered that I will never see the cardboard stars that will be at the back of the room or the silver, black and dark blue streamers on the ceiling. And that reality crushed me. Because I worked so hard on something that I will never see with my own two eyes.

So yeah, I do want to go to Prom.

“Yeah...”

“Yeah? Just yeah? The look you gave me a few seconds ago suggested you want to go to Prom a bit more than ‘Yeah’.”

I lift my head up, but I still don’t look at him.

“Okay fine, yes I really want to go. But now it’s too late to do anything about that anyway.”

I feel Kyoya looking at me, his eyes boring into the side of my head.

“Have you tried talking to her?” I shake my head and turn it to look at him.

“There’s no point. My grandmother would never let me…” Suddenly his face is mere centimetres from mine.

“She wouldn’t let you do this either, would she?” My heart is racing. We’ve both stopped walking, and even the rain has seemed to ease off a bit. My eyes drift down to his lips.

“No, she wouldn’t.”

I know I’ve been in this situation before. And by before I mean last night. Yet this time it feels so much more real. I can actually see him so close to me. I take a shaky breath.

And then he’s kissing me and I’m kissing him and we’re kissing each other. My eyes flutter closed in an instant, and I realise just how much I wanted to kiss him again. Just to be able to press my lips to his. This is very different from last night. My mouth parts before I even know what’s happening. The umbrella slips out of my hand and the rain hits us, but neither of us could care less. I feel Kyoya’s hand on my cheek and a shiver runs down my spine. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve never done anything like this before. Last night could hardly count. I don’t even know what to do with my hands. I start to want to pull away.

No, not yet.

So instead I focus on him, on his hands brushing against me, on his lips on mine, the way his glasses bump into my face. And I forget about myself. I forget about everything else. Because it’s just him him him.

Then thunder cracks and I jump back. But not that far back. Kyoya has his arms wrapped around me. I turn my gaze from the sky down to Kyoya. His hair is plastered to his face and his glasses are fogged over, yet somehow he still looks… I don’t even know what word I would describe him with.

I must look awful myself. My clothes are sticking to me. And it’s still raining.

Kyoya pulls his arms away for a moment to wipe his glasses then wraps them back around my waist. My heart's still racing. Somehow he manages to pull me even closer than I already am. I curl my arms around his shoulders.

“Kyoya?” I want to grip the edge of my shirt, but I can't do that with my arms around him. So instead I pull at his t-shirt, which proves to be quite hard, since it's absolutely soaked.

“Mhm?”

“Was this, um, a date?”

“Yeah, I guess it was.” I grin and press my face into my arm. A date. I went on a _date._ No, I’m _still_ on a date. That’s just as good. I had never imagined that my first date would go like this. I had never imagined my first date, period. But I think as far as first dates go, kissing in the rain is acceptable.

“Tamaki?”

“Mhm?”

“I’ll help you in whatever way I can. To come to Prom, I mean.”

I take a deep breath.

“I told you I want to but-“

“I know you say your grandmother won’t let you, but isn’t it more important that you want to go? Even if you come in black jeans and a white shirt, and have to sneak out of a window. I’ll help you figure something out.” I can’t see his face, but for once I’m thankful that I can’t. But he’s right. I do want to go. So why am I being so stubborn about not going?

“Okay. I’ll come. Thank you…”          

“We’ll figure something out.”

“But I have no one to dance with. And it’s not like I can dance with you.”

“I’m actually dancing with Renge. Why don’t you ask Haruhi? You’re good friends, right?”

My heart drops. Somehow, I almost feel jealous of Renge. Which is ridiculous. Kyoya probably agreed to dance with Renge weeks ago. I’ve only been… romantically involved with him for two days. And we could have never gone together. A guy going to Prom with another guy? That wouldn’t have gone down well.

“Yeah, okay.”

And then the thunder cracks again.

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 23: Kyoya_ **

We head back home as soon as the hail starts. Tamaki insists on going back to his house, even though I reassure him that there would be nothing wrong with him coming over. Again. But, Tamaki being Tamaki, says that he doesn’t want his grandmother to realise he’s gone, if she hasn’t already.

“Um, thanks for the date.” Tamaki mumbles as we stop in front of my home. I laugh.

“We just walked and had a conversation in the rain. That hardly counts as a date.”

“And we kissed…” He whispers. I can barely hear him because of the thundering rain and hail. But I see him smile, and I can see a faint blush on his cheeks.

“Are you sure you won’t come inside?” Tamaki shakes his head.

“I need to get home.” He starts to hand the umbrella back to me.

“Tamaki, if you insist on going home, then I insist you take the umbrella with you. I don’t want you getting ill before Prom.”

“Okay. Bye, then.” I squeeze his hand lightly.

“See you at school.” Tamaki looks up from under the umbrella and gives me a faint smile before turning around and leaving, his hand slipping away from mine. I watch as he walks down the drive, then I run the few meters to my front door. I head inside and close the door behind me then go up to my room.

_Wow._

They say kissing in the rain is clichéd and nothing special, but I beg to differ. I press my back against the wall and close my eyes.

I went on an actual date with Tamaki. I would never in my wildest dreams thought that was possible. But yet here I am, trying to remember the look on his face right before I kissed him. A small chuckle escapes my lips.

_Wow indeed._

“Oh, hey Kyoya, you’re back.” My eyes snap open as Fuyumi steps into my room.

“Fuyumi, I wasn’t aware that you were home.”

“Oh, I got back a while ago. Now, where were you?”

“I was out with a friend.”

“A friend? You mean Tamaki?”

“Yes. Tamaki is my friend.” My palms start to sweat. How did she know I was out with Tamaki? Fuyumi takes another step into my room and pushes the door shut.

“Kyoya, I think that sometimes you forget I have a room overlooking the front yard.”

_Oh shit._

“We-we’re just friends.” I look down at the ground.

“Are you sure? Because the way you were holding hands would suggest that you’re more than that.”

No, this can’t be happening. Dammit. Why was I so careless? I walk to my bed and sit down, focusing my eyes at the hands in my lap. I can’t bring myself to look at her right now. I’m sure my eyes would give me away. I’m not usually easy to read, but when it comes to things like this… I can’t trust myself with my own expressions. I can feel the mattress sink as she sits beside me.

“Kyoya, are you gay?”

That’s it. I’m finished. One word gets out about this to my parents and I’ll never see Tamaki again. Anyone at school hears about this, and my reputation is gone forever. But I can’t lie to my sister. Not about something like this. So I nod. And she places a hand on my shoulder. And then she hugs me, too quickly, too tight. My glasses practically fall off.

“Hey, Fuyumi-” She pulls away but keeps a hand on my knee. I fix my glasses and when I look up, she’s smiling at me.

“You know, I figured as much. You never really seemed to like girls. Also this Tamaki guy, you’ve been going out of the house, more than ever, since he showed up. And you know, you look pretty cute together.” I feel my cheeks turn red, but despite everything a smile tugs at the edge of my mouth. I’m glad she’s being positive about it. I honestly wasn’t sure what her reaction would be. To be honest, I had never planned on telling anyone in my family. Or anyone at all, for that matter. I had planned to keep it all inside. But then Tamaki came along…

“Yeah, well…”  My expression turns serious again. “Do not tell anything to our parents. Or anyone. No one, okay?”

She nods.

“My lips are sealed. He makes you happy. The way you were smiling when I walked in back then, I don’t think I’ve seen you smile like that for a long time. I don’t want to take that away from you.” She pats my leg once and stands up.

“Thank you, Fuyumi.”

She smiles again.

“Anything for my little brother.”

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 24: Tamaki_ **

I don’t hear from him on Sunday. But I guess he did say ‘see you at school’. It’s not reasonable for me to expect to see him every day. But when I’m with him, it’s like I can tear away from my life for a while. I don’t have to worry about making my smiles believable, they come naturally. I don’t have to worry about my grandmother, I don’t have to worry about anything. Anything but him. When I’m back in my room the rush of being with him stays for a while, but once it’s gone I’m forced to face reality again.

I’ve never really looked forward to a Monday before. I’ve really never looked forward to any day, actually. Because every day was always the same. And I was just tired of going through the motions again and again and again.

But now Kyoya is part of it. And he’s not the same every day. He’s the variable in my life now. And wow, I am enjoying this variable.

But it’ll only be like this for another four days. Then there’s Prom. And then… and then what? He just entered my life, I’m not ready for him to leave yet.

I say that, but I don’t even know what this relationship that we have is. It’s more than friends, yes. But are we actually dating? Is he my… boyfriend? No, I wouldn’t go that far. Two days mean nothing. Even though we kissed… no. I don’t even know. I’m over thinking again.

The bus pulls up and the doors slide open. I step on, my heart rate already quickening in my chest. My eyes immediately land on Kyoya, and he’s looking right back at me. The bus jerks forward, and I sit down as quickly as I can.

“Hey,”

“Hi,”

Kyoya slips his hand in the space between us and brushes it against mine. I feel my face flush hot. What if somebody sees us? I don’t want to do this, not on the bus where our classmates or even people from other classes can see us. It’s too big a risk. But at the same time, his hand is so close to mine. I just want to feel his warm palm pressed against mine… It’s a risk, but one I’m willing to take right now. So I slip my hand under his, weaving our fingers together.

The remainder of the bus ride goes by without us saying anything to each other. As soon as it comes to a stop in front of the school, I pull my hand away from Kyoya’s.

“Are we having lunch together today?” I ask him as we near our first class. Well, my first class. He has it elsewhere.

“I think it goes without saying.” He replies, stopping for a moment to smile at me.

“I’ll see you then.” He adds. If we were alone I would kissed him here and now. When he smiles at me like that, when his eyes crinkle up at the edges and his whole face seems to light up, I melt inside. I never see him use that smile with anyone else. Not that I’ve been looking at him all the time… But there’s no need for me to restrain myself. All the students around me are enough to make me feel self-conscious if I even just look at Kyoya for too long.

I watch as he walks down the hallway. I don’t even notice Haruhi when she stands next to me.

“What you looking at?” I jump, startled by her presence.

“Oh, uh, nothing.”

Haruhi smiles and shakes her head.

“Okay then.”  

Haruhi. I need to ask her about Prom. What if she’s already going with Hikaru or Kaoru? What if I don’t end up going to Prom? No, I want to go. I need to go. But that means I need to ask Haruhi as soon as possible. Which means now. There are still a few minutes until the bell rings. I have to do this now. Right now. I take a deep breath. 3… 2… 1…

“Hey, Haruhi, who are you dancing with at Prom?”

She groans. “Probably with one of those idiots.” She tilts her head in the direction of Hikaru and Kaoru, who are laughing at something further down the hallway. “But I can’t decide, and they won’t decide, so currently, I’m not dancing with anyone.”

Right. This is my chance. I have to do this now.

“What if, um, we danced together?” I grip the bottom edge of my t-shirt. Haruhi just raises her eyebrows at me.

“You know what, that might not be such a bad idea. It saves me from dancing with one of those two. Wait, last time you said you probably weren’t going to Prom. What made you change your mind?”

Kyoya. Kyoya did.

I shrug. “It’s Prom.”

Then the bell rings.

“Okay then. Oh, and just so you know, my dress is dark blue, like navy. So try and wear something that matches?”

I nod, then follow her into the classroom.

Oh my god. Where on earth am I going to get something that matches a navy dress?

 

**_CHAPTER 25: Kyoya_ **

I sit down in the lunch hall before Tamaki, and lift my arm up ever so slightly when I see him weaving through the tables with his tray. He sits down opposite me, like he always does.

“Hey,”

“Hi.”

“So, our last Monday.”

“Yeah…”

You’d think that after Friday night our conversations would flow easily, but no. Having a normal conversation with Tamaki is now harder than ever.

“Oh, um, I’m dancing with Haruhi at Prom.”

“That’s great.”

We hold eye contact for second before Tamaki looks down at the food in his tray. I lean just a fraction closer to him, resting my elbows on the table.

“Hey, Tamaki.” He looks up at me, his golden fringe falling across his eyes. “I’d like to invite you out on a date. A proper one.” I have to keep my voice low so no one else hears, and for a second I think he didn’t hear me. But then his eyes widen slightly.

“ _Kyoya, we’re at school._ ” He hisses at me under his breath. I look down at my own tray and pick up the sandwich sitting there.

“Don’t worry, no one will hear. They’re too self-absorbed in their own conversations. So, are you up for it?” His eyes soften slightly and a smile tugs at the edge of his lips.

“Yeah. Just don’t come to my house. I think my grandmother is getting suspicious…”

“Okay then, how about tomorrow after school?”

“Works for me, I think. Where should we meet though?” I notice Haruhi and Renge approaching our table. I start to lift up the sandwich.

“Well, you know where I live.” I can tell he wants to say something else, but Haruhi drops her tray down next to him, cutting him off. We’ve never all had lunch together before. I don’t have any idea how this will turn out.

“Hey guys, sorry we’re a bit late. We had another meeting with drama club.” Renge slips into the chair beside me.

“It’s crazy. We were supposed to put on some kind of show for Prom but now we haven’t finished it in time and the whole thing is going to be cut out, so either Prom is going to be 15 minutes shorter or we’ll just spend longer dancing.”

I nod, feigning interest. I don’t really care what’s planned for Prom. I just want to see Tamaki in a white shirt.

“Oh yeah, Haruhi, did you choose between Hikaru and Kaoru yet?” Renge asks her.

She shakes her head. Tamaki bites down on his sandwich. Even though there’s the option of pasta or other warm meals, I’ve noticed that Tamaki, along with me, nearly always opts for a sandwich.

“I’m actually dancing with Tamaki now.”

“Oh really? Did he ask you or…?” Tamaki slouches further in his chair. The tips of his ears which are peeking out from his hair turn bright red. I stop listening to their conversation, but from the pitch of their voices and the constant string of words exchanging between them I can tell they’re quite good friends. I had no idea that they get on so well. But then again, I’m certain that they don’t know how well Tamaki and I get along. My foot brushes against his under the table. I lift my head up slightly and catch Tamaki’s eye, giving him a light smile. He smiles back quickly, but more with his eyes than with his mouth.

“We could do that, right Kyoya?” Renge says to me.

“What?” I haven’t the slightest idea what they’re talking about.

“Me and Haruhi were just saying that we could all go to Prom together. But wait, how will we get all four of us in a car? Plus whoever drives. Three of us could squeeze in the back but that would ruin our dresses… oh, oh! I know! We could take the train together!”

“Is that really necessary?” I ask.

“Well, no…” Renge pokes her salad with her fork.

“But,” Haruhi starts. “It’s not necessary, but it’s just, like, something special to do at the end of the year? I mean, when else are you going to go on a train in fancy clothes with your friends? Do you get what I mean?”

Somehow, I actually understand what she’s trying to say.

“So, if we do this, how would it work?” I say. Renge immediately perks up.

“Well, um, we could meet at the train station, you know the one by that pink house? Near where Haruhi lives.”

“I know the one.”

“Yeah, well, we could all meet there. I’m not sure when, I’ll look it up later.  We have to be there at 2:30, right? The train only takes 20 minutes, I think. We could figure something out.”

“This is actually really exciting.” Haruhi turns to Tamaki. “You still here, Tamaki?”

He jerks his head up, flashing her a smile. “Yeah, yeah it sounds great. I can’t wait.”

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 26: Tamaki_ **

When I step off the bus and start the walk to my house, there are three things on my mind.

  1.   I’m going on an _actual date_ with Kyoya tomorrow.
  2.   I really need to find some clothes to match Haruhi’s navy dress (which she actually showed me a picture of at school today. It’s very pretty)



And

  1.   I am now apparently part of a group of friends and we’re all going to Prom together.



Concerning the first thing, I am starting to panic slightly. I have no idea what to wear on a date, and I don’t even know where we’re going. And on top of that, I have to be the one to come to Kyoya’s house. Well, it is less risky than him coming to my house and risking being seen by my grandmother. Even though we don’t live that far apart, I know the walk there will be excruciatingly long for me.

And my clothes for Prom. Where am I supposed to find navy blue clothes at such short notice? I’m pretty certain I have a white shirt somewhere, but what good will that do if I can’t find anything appropriate to wear? I can’t exactly turn up in jeans and converse. Maybe my father has a blazer or tie I can borrow? I sure hope so.

And for the third thing, Renge sorted out the details before the end of the school day. Me and Kyoya are supposed to meet Haruhi and Renge at the train station at 1:45, and the train is at 1:53. Despite the fact that I don’t know Renge very well and I’m not very fond of train rides, I’m actually looking forward to it. It’ll also give me an excuse to see Kyoya before Prom.

I reach the front door and step inside slowly. Thankfully there seem to be no signs of life as I make my way up the stairs. I open the door to my room and freeze. My father is sitting on my bed, probably waiting for me.  

“Oh, Tamaki, you’re back. I wasn’t sure what time you finished.”

He sits there, just looking at me. I take a step into the room. My father never does this. He never waits for me to come back. And he never comes into my room. Something must be wrong. Somebody must have died. Oh my god. He sighs and pushes himself up off the bed.

“Tamaki, you have Prom soon, right? I know that my mother, your grandmother, is against letting you go- look I’m just going to be blunt. She won’t let you go. And to be honest, I nearly agreed with her.”

He takes another step forward and I don’t know what to make of the situation. My mouth feels like its glued shut. Why is he saying this? For all these years he’s done nothing but occasionally greet me when I come home or wish me a happy birthday. There were rare occasions when he would buy me something or ask me how school is going, but never like this. I know he has to work hard to provide for the family, but would it have killed him to just talk with me every once in a while?

“I got a letter from your mother a few days ago. She asked me how you are and… and I realised that I don’t know. And I hate myself for it. You’re my son, and I don’t know how you felt or who your friends are or even when you finish school.” At the mention of my mother a shiver runs through my body. He got a letter from her? But her letters stopped coming years ago… He sighs and reaches down to take my hand, pressing something into it. It feels like… oh my god.

“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing in this house that you can wear to Prom, so go and buy yourself something nice. There should be enough for the train as well.”

My breath hitches in my throat. I don’t know how to react. So I don’t. I just stand there unmoving. I can’t believe this is happening. My hand curls tightly around the notes. My throat feels dry, but I force myself to speak.

“But Grandmother-“

“She doesn’t have to know. After all, I’m still your father. And in any case, I think I’ve let her have a bit too much control over our lives.” He gives me a tired smile. I should be overjoyed. I should be grinning at him. But the whole thing is so out of place in our house. It almost seems forced.

“Thank you,” I say to him. And I mean it. Any other normal person would probably hug him in this moment. But we aren’t a normal family. My father steps forward and walks out of my room, patting me lightly on the shoulder as he does. I stay frozen to the spot, even as I hear him walk down the stairs.

Only when my breathing returns back to its normal rate do I lift up my arm and slowly open my hand. My eyes widen at the sight of the notes there. There’s enough for me to buy myself trousers and a waistcoat, maybe even a bow tie.

I know what I have to do.

I quickly step over to my closet, pulling the doors open. I‘m sure I have a white shirt in here somewhere. I search through my clothes; it doesn’t take me that long, there isn’t much in here anyway. My hands land on the shirt and I pull it out. I can’t tell if it’ll fit me. For now, I just hope it will. Then I shove the money in my pocket and head out of my room.

If I’m going to do this, I need to do it now. It’s nearly 4 already, and the shops are only open until 9. If I want to catch the next train I need to hurry up. There are a few shops in a town about 6 minutes away, but they don’t sell things like this. I need to go to the nearest city, which is an hour away by train. I have the motivation now. Somehow I know that if I don’t go right now, I’ll never go.

In a few minutes I reach the train station. Somehow I succeed in buying myself the ticket without completely panicking. The train rolls in only seconds later. As I walk towards the now open door, my mind starts to scream at me.

_What the hell are you doing? You know there are people on that train, people you don’t know. You know, strangers? And they’ll be all around you. There’ll be no escape. And you’re going to put yourself through that for a few items of clothing? Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t want to end up having a panic attack with everyone watching. Turn around and go home. Do it. Do it now._

But I summon all my strength and power through the voices for the first time ever. I have to do this. For me. For my mother. Adrenaline runs through my veins like never before, and I step on the train.

 

 

 

**_CHAPTER 27: Kyoya_ **

Tuesday goes by as another average school day, for the exception that instead of being with either Tamaki or Renge, I find myself with Tamaki, Renge and Haruhi during break. Even Hikaru and Kaoru join us at one point. I’m not too thrilled about it, but somehow it seems to work. When Haruhi is around they’re too occupied to with her to even bother with me. Tamaki doesn’t make it obvious, but I can tell he’s a bit uncomfortable with the whole thing, but as long as I’m standing next to him he seems to be alright with it.

Before I know it I’m stepping off the bus again and walking to my house. Today is Tuesday, the day I promised to take Tamaki on a date. I told him to stop by after school, but who knows when he’ll come? I run up to my room, throwing my bag down next to my desk as I do. What should I wear? Maybe during lunch I should have thought about this instead of ways to inconspicuously get rid of Hikaru and Kaoru.

I pull out a short-sleeved button up. Is it too casual? Or too smart? It’s a hot day, but would shorts be inappropriate? I groan. Despite dressing fairly well for school, at least I think so, I haven’t the slightest idea about fashion. I let out a groan and throw the button up onto my bed.

“Going out?” Fuyumi steps into my room. I wouldn’t usually ask her for help, but drastic times call for drastic measures.

“Hey, Fuyumi, is this shirt too smart? Or is it okay?” She raises an eyebrow.

“Now I’d never thought I’d see the day that you ask me that.”

I roll my eyes. “Just tell me.”

Fuyumi grins at me. “You’re going on a date, aren’t you?”

“Well I won’t be if you don’t tell me if this shirt is okay.” She laughs, but then steps forward anyway and picks up the shirt off my bed.

“Hmm, try this one.” She pulls a turquoise short sleeved button up from my closet. “You look good in it. And just wear jeans it’ll be fine.”

I smile at her quickly, then grab the clothes. Fuyumi stands there, smiling at me.

“Are you going to leave so I can change or not?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Then she leaves. I shut the door behind her and immediately pull my clothes off, putting the button up and jeans on as fast as is humanly possible. Do I need to comb my hair? I run a hand through it. It should be fine. I check myself in the floor length mirror in the bathroom and look down at my watch. When will he arrive? Should I be waiting downstairs by the door or outside? I’ve never been on an actual date, much less taken anyone out on one.

I sit down on my bed in an attempt to gather my thoughts. Even though I may look calm on the outside, inside my mind is buzzing. To be honest, I’m surprised that I even manage to say such coherent sentences when I’m around him.

I look down at the ground, then immediately rush out of my room. I still haven’t put my shoes on. What if he had arrived before I’d realised? I scramble to tie my laces. Shoelaces are very hard to tie when you are rushing, I note. The second I stand up and brush my jeans off, the doorbell rings.

Right on cue.

I check my pockets one last time. Phone, money, it’s all there. Then I take a deep breath in an attempt to make myself appear calm and open the door.

Tamaki stands there, hands already gripping at the edge of his light blue t-shirt. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him wear it before. And truth be told, he looks great in it.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Shall we?” Tamaki nods, and I step out of the house, closing the door behind me. We start to walk in the direction of the train station, our hands brushing against each other every few seconds. But I remember how he reacted last time, and don’t take his in my own.

“So, um where are we going?” Tamaki says as we step through the arch and onto the platform.

“Into town. They opened a new café, I thought maybe we could go there.”  Tamaki nods again as we step into the ticket office. It’s relatively empty, so we get the tickets quickly. The train comes minutes later. About 15 people pile out, but there are still many people on board. The after school/work rush. I see Tamaki take a sharp breath.

“Hey, it’ll be fine, just stick close to me.” We walk to the train doors and hop on seconds before they close.  The carriage is bustling with people, and mixed with the warm stuffy air, a side effect of the sun streaming through the glass windows, it’s not exactly pleasant. The train lurches forward and I fling my arm forward to steady myself on one of the handrails. I feel Tamaki grab on to the edge of my shirt and shuffle as close as possible without gathering attention.

“It’s just a seven minute ride. We’ll be there soon.”

Tamaki nods and the train rumbles on.

 

**_CHAPTER 28: Tamaki_ **

Much to my relief the train ride is soon over. My fingers are still stiff from holding on to Kyoya so tightly, and I stretch them out as we settle down in the soft chairs of the new café.

“This place only opened a week or two ago, but I’ve heard good things about it.” Kyoya says to me as he picks up the menu. I do the same, glancing over the various colourfully named drinks.

I try to relax, I really do. I try to enjoy myself. And I do, nearly. But there’s just too many people. They’re too close. I feel like every word I say to Kyoya is heard by someone else. I’m constantly paranoid that people are looking at us, that someone that we know will see us and tell everyone else. And god, I hate myself for it. Why can’t I just relax and have a nice time like any other normal person on a date? I should be nervous because of the person in front of me, not everyone around me.

Even after we leave the café and start to walk in the direction of the park, I’m still tense. It pains me being this close to Kyoya, but not being able to touch him. Well, I am physically able to do so. But the constant worries flying around in my head prevent me from even brushing my hand against him. We talk, yes, but I feel like I’m floating further and further away from him. I just want to be able to wrap my hand around his, so he can pull me back down to earth. But I can’t do that. Not out here. It’s too open. Too many people.

Halfway down the path in the park Kyoya stops walking.

“This wasn’t a good idea. I’m sorry.”

I stop and turn to him.

“No, no it’s fine…”

“Tamaki, I can tell you’re uncomfortable. You’ve been tense since the second we stepped into the café. Let’s just go back home, yeah?”

For a second all my previous worries fade away, and my face breaks out into a smile. Never before has someone made an exception for me. No one ever bothered to ask me how I felt with the situation. And now here’s Kyoya, doing it all without me having to even say a word. And, god, I couldn’t be happier.

Well, I would be happier if I could wrap my arms around him right now.

“Yeah, let’s just go back.”

We turn around and start to head back in the direction of the train station. And I think to myself, maybe this wasn’t such a bad date after all.

“Hey, Kyoya!”

Oh my god.

The smile immediately disappears from my face and I freeze, my whole body tensing up once again. Kyoya scrunches his eyebrows together before turning around to face whoever called his name. I force myself to slowly turn as well.

“Hello Hikaru, Kaoru. Fancy meeting you here.”

The twins grin at us. “For a second we weren’t sure if it was even you. Never seen you dressed up like that before. You on a date or something?” They laugh, and I drop my head so they won’t see the colour rushing to my face.

“Don’t be absurd. Me and Tamaki just happened to bump into each other. Much like we just happened to bump into you two right now.”

“Yeah, okay. We’ve got places to be. See you at school!” I don’t lift my head, but I hear the sound of feet running on gravel, presumably theirs.

“Bastards…” I hear Kyoya mumble, and I figure it’s safe to lift my head. He sighs. “Let’s just go.”

We make it back to the train station without any further incidents. This time the carriage is fairly empty, so we’re able to sit down. After one stop it’s just the two of us. I finally muster up the courage to reach over and take his hand, but Kyoya’s one step ahead of me. Tension ripples out of me as I feel his hand curling around mine. I shuffle down in my seat and lean my head to the side, resting it on his shoulder. I just want to stay like this forever. His hand pressed against mine and the constant rumbling of the train.

But all good thing come to an end, and before I know it we’re back at our stop. Kyoya’s hand slips away from mine as we stand up and exit the train. Kyoya walks a little too quickly, in my opinion. I almost feel like he’s trying to get away from me. We reach his house in only a few minutes.

 _And this is where we say goodbye,_ I think to myself. _And I haven’t even kissed him yet._

“Hey, Tamaki, I’m sorry you didn’t really enjoy the date. Do you want to step inside for a while?”

I swallow hard. The last time I was in his house I promised myself that I’d never set foot in it again. Yet now I’m finding myself wanting to step inside with him again.

“Okay.” He gives me a quick smile before taking my hand. He opens the door and pulls me up the stairs behind him. Before I know what’s happening, we’re in his room. Alone. Just the two of us. In his room with the door closed.

Kyoya steps forward and places a soft kiss to my lips. I immediately jerk back.

“What are you-“

Kyoya notices my reluctance and takes both my hands.

“Don’t worry, my parents aren’t home. They won’t be for another three hours at least. And Fuyumi knows, anyway.” He whispers to me.

My eyes widen. “Wh- what does she know?”

“Well, that I’m gay and that we’re dating. She’s okay with it, though, and she’s promised to keep quiet. You don’t have to worry about her.”  

I take a deep breath.

“Okay.”

And then I’m pressing my lips against his.

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 29: Kyoya_ **

I’ve been aching all day to lay my hands on him once again. And now I finally have the chance.  

But now that I do, my brain seems to have flown out the window. All I’m aware of is that his lips are pressed against mine. I know that I should be doing something, but my mind doesn’t seem to be working. Then something clicks, and I’m back on track again.

Ah, yes. I should kiss him back.

Our mouths part almost immediately. Somehow one of my hands finds its way into his hair. It’s so soft, and thicker than I originally thought. I wrap my other arm around his waist, pulling him closer. His hands land on my chest and a sound escapes from the back of my throat as I feel the warmth of his fingers seep into me.

I’m aware that our feet are moving ever so slightly, shuffling across the room to accommodate each dip of our heads. I know that we really should ground ourselves somewhere, that otherwise we’re bound to knock something over or crash into something.

But I’m not prepared for when Tamaki collides with the edge of my bed. His knees bend, sending us both crashing down onto the bed. My arms are wrapped around him, so there’s nothing I can do to prevent my head from smacking into his chest.  I manage to wriggle my arms out from underneath him and prop myself up on my elbows, lifting my head up to look at Tamaki. His eyes land on me, and his mouth cracks open as he starts to giggle. His whole face seems to glow, and the edges of his eyes crinkle. I notice that he even has little dimples in his cheeks that only show up when he laughs.

“What?” I ask him, lifting one arm to fix my glasses.

“You just… you looked so confused. Your glasses were all lopsided and your hair is all sticking up…” He whispers. I let out a chuckle. I must have looked pretty perplexed. Tamaki looks at me for a moment, and I stare back at him. His eyes are such a deep blue colour, leaning towards purple as they get closer to the pupil. I would happily drown in them.

He reaches up and takes a hold of my glasses, pulling them off slowly and placing them on the sheets next to him. His hands are trembling. I curl my hands around his then lean down to kiss him again.

But at the last moment I change my mind, and shift my head slightly to the right. My lips press against the corner of his mouth. I continue to make my way down his jawline and to his collarbone, pressing soft closed mouth kisses along the way. Tamaki gasps, and I hear him as he snaps his hand up to cover his mouth. My hands slip out of his and slide under the edge of his shirt, and I feel his whole body shudder. His skin is so warm, it’s practically burning.  I bring my face back so it’s level with Tamaki’s. Short shaky breaths are escaping his lips and his eyes are wide open. To put simply, he looks terrified.

“Do you want me to stop?” I murmur. I surprise even myself at how calm my voice sounds. My heart is beating so quickly, it feels as if it wants to break out of my chest all together. Every part of my body that is in contact with Tamaki is tingling. I almost feel like I’ve lost control over my arms. Yet somehow they still do what I want, even if it takes a few seconds.

Tamaki takes a deep breath then shakes his head.              

I slide my arms up his chest and then back down around his waist, mapping it all out with my fingertips. I feel Tamaki as he slides his arms up around my neck and into my hair, guiding my head down to meet his lips. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about Tamaki, it’s that he really likes kissing.

His hands tighten in my hair, almost to the point that it hurts. He pulls his head away to take a breath, and his hands slide out of my hair. Instead, he grabs on to the collar of my button up.

“Kyoya…”  I open my eyes and look at him.

“What is it?” His head is still turned towards me, but his eyes are fixated on something else. “…Do you want me to stop?”

“It’s… it’s just too much. And, uh…” He whispers, “Your cat is staring at us…”  

I turn my head to where Tamaki is looking, and sure enough, Kuro is sat in the corner, watching us. Tamaki covers his face with his hands as I lift myself off of the bed. I pick up Kuro, who meows in protest, and set him down outside the door before making my way back to Tamaki.

“Hey, it’s okay.” I say, pulling his hands away from his face and pressing a quick peck to his lips.

Tamaki ends up staying for dinner. Fuyumi makes pasta, which is a pleasant change from sandwiches.

“So, what did you two get up to today?”

Tamaki immediately focuses his gaze on the plate before him. I tighten my hand around my fork.

“Uh, well, we went to that new café in town.”

“Oooh yes I heard about it! Is it any good?”

I shrug. “It’s alright, I guess.”

“And then?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you weren’t in a café for three hours now were you?”

“Um, we went to the park for a while then came back here.”

Fuyumi pokes at the pasta with her fork.

“I didn’t see you. Were you up in your room?” I know what she’s doing. And she knows exactly what she’s doing. God, I should try doing this with her whenever she disappears with her boyfriend.

I sigh.

“Uh, yeah.”

She grins at me. I give her a glare. But I’m pretty sure my face has reddened slightly, since she just smiles and shakes her head.

As usual, Tamaki insists on going home straight after dinner.

“Thanks for taking me out today…” He says to me as I walk him back home.

“Well, it didn’t exactly go as planned.”

Tamaki shrugs. “It was still fun though.”

His house comes into view and we stop walking.

“So, I’ll see you at school?”

Tamaki nods, then leans forward and places a quick kiss on my cheek. I’m surprised. A few days ago he didn’t even want to hold hands anywhere in the village. And now…

“Bye, Kyoya.” He says to me before turning around and heading back to his house.

“Goodbye, Tamaki.”

When he reaches his front door he turns around one last time. I lift my arm and wave. He smiles, then disappears inside.

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 30: Tamaki_ **

That night I go to bed with a smile on my face.

Wednesday passes like any other day, for the exception that since I’m now part of a group of friends, I find myself surrounded by Kyoya, Haruhi _and_ Renge all at the same time. Sometimes even Hikaru and Kaoru join us. I actually find myself feeling sad because it’s the last day of actual class. Kyoya cheers me up though by kissing me behind the lockers.

On Thursday we have our end of school celebrations. I end up having to help Haruhi hand out the t-shirts, but she does all the talking, so it’s okay, I guess. Everyone signs each other’s yearbooks, and I make an effort to write my name as nicely as possible in Kyoya’s. We all have lunch together again and take a walk through the school one last time. We even go up to the library. I attend the last session of Prom preparation and make sure everything is set for tomorrow. Then I take the bus home for the last time, and Kyoya holds my hand the whole way.

And now it’s Friday.

I wake up without my alarm. Today is Prom. And I’m actually going. I make my way downstairs to make myself breakfast. As soon as I step into the kitchen I’m greeted by my father.

“Morning, Tamaki. You’re up early.” I nod and try to walk past him without making eye contact.

“So, when’s this Prom of yours?” My bowl clinks as I set it down on the table. My head snaps up and I look around, searching for any signs of my grandmother.

“It’s alright, she’s still asleep.” I try and take a deep breath without it being obvious that I’m taking a deep breath. Harder than it sounds.

“I’m leaving here at 3:30.” I say as I look for a spoon.

“Right. We’ll be leaving at 3 o’clock then. Should be enough time for you to get ready.”

My grip on the spoon tightens by a fraction. For a second I thought that maybe, just maybe he was considering coming to my Prom, to see me there. I don’t know why I even got my hopes up. But this is good, too. I’ll be able to get ready in peace, at least. But 30 minutes, 30 minutes really isn’t enough. Oh god. I’m going to have to rush.

When I look up again he’s gone. I didn’t even notice when he left. I hear a door click shut. Oh. He’s gone to work in his study.

I finish my breakfast and prepare some for my grandmother, as well. I hear her enter the kitchen as I make my way up the stairs. I really am thankful her room is on the ground floor. Once I’m behind the safety of my bedroom door, I drop down onto my bed.

Still six hours to go. Five and a half until they leave. I glance towards my wardrobe. My clothes for Prom are in there, neatly hung on hangers and hidden between my coats. What are my classmates doing right now? Probably having breakfast with their parents, talking about Prom. Maybe some are getting ready to go to the hairdressers already. Maybe some are sitting in their rooms alone, trying to figure out how to get ready for Prom in 30 minutes…

I wonder what Kyoya is doing. Is he having breakfast? Is he talking to his parents? Although they’re not around much… maybe he’s talking to his sister. She seems to be around a lot.

I glance at the phone sitting on my bedside table.

Should I call him? No, maybe he’s still eating. I wouldn’t want to disturb him. Should I text him? Yeah, I’ll text him.

I reach over to pick the phone up.

Oh. He seems to have beaten me to it.

_-we’re meeting at 15:30, correct?-_

I type back a quick reply. Somehow it’s easier to talk to him when I can’t see his face.

_-yeah-_

Seconds later my phone pings again.

_-where should we meet?-_

A smile creeps onto my face. I know exactly how to reply.

_-well, you know where I live-_

I put the phone back down on my bedside table then fall back onto the bed. Six hours until I can start getting ready. This is going to be a long wait.

5 hours and 55 minutes later I peer out of my bedroom window. I see my grandmother sitting in the car. But where’s my father? As if on cue, he steps into my room.

“Hey, Tamaki. I’ll make sure we stay out as long as possible. I’ll even take her to go visit her friends if that’s what it takes.” He chuckles. I wasn’t even aware she had friends.

“Have fun,” He says, and then leaves the room. I go back to the window and watch as he reappears outside a minute later. He gets in the car, and off they go.

The second I can’t see them from my window I rush to my wardrobe. I had a shower earlier, so all that’s left to do now is get dressed. I push my coat to the side and pull my clothes off their hangers.

I pull my t-shirt off, grab a vest, and then slip my arms into the shirt. The sleeves are a bit short, but I can fix that by rolling them up. At least I hope so. I sit back down onto the bed and kick of my jeans. The black trousers I then pull on are much nicer and softer than anything I’ve ever owned. Somehow I was able to find a waistcoat that matches Haruhi’s dress. Well, at least I hope it does. It feels almost surreal as I pull it on and do up the three buttons. The fabric is so smooth and light under my fingers.

I need to see myself. I need to see what I look like.

I step forward and pull one of my jumpers off the mirror in my room. And there I am. All dressed up.

But I look so uncomfortable, so out of place. This type of clothing isn’t meant to be worn by a person like me. I roll up the sleeves of my shirt, but that just makes it worse. There’s something missing though…

I pick up the bow tie that’s still laying on my bed and just stare at it for a second. Its navy, just like my waistcoat. Yet I have no idea how to put it on. I should’ve just gone for the one with the elastic. Now I’ll be ‘that idiot who showed up without a bow tie’.

And what about my shoes? I didn’t have enough money to buy myself a new pair. And now my only option is a black pair of sneakers.

I run downstairs to put them on. On my way back to my room, I decide to take a detour through the bathroom.

My hair looks horrific. It’s sticking up all over the place. I try combing it, but it just doesn’t want to cooperate. I groan in frustration and give up.

I head back to my room and stand in front of the mirror again.

This is it. This is my last time with my friends. This is Prom. I’m actually going to Prom. This is actually happening. If I try not to think about the fact that everyone will be looking at me and that I’ve never even danced with Haruhi before so I could mess this up big time, I’m actually kind of looking forward to it. Kyoya will be there, that’s the most important thing. And ever since I joined the preparation group I’ve been dreaming of going to Prom.

I look over at my phone. It’s nearly time. I check myself one last time in the mirror and run a hand through my hair in an attempt to make it look decent. It still falls down though and covers one of my eyes.

God, why did I even bother? I look ridiculous. I look like a 12 year old playing dress up, badly. Everyone will be staring at me. And Kyoya will probably be embarrassed to be even seen near me. And what about Haruhi? Oh my god, I’m going to ruin it for everyone.

My palms start to sweat. Now I’m having second thoughts. Maybe I can just call Kyoya and tell him I’m sick? I can always return the clothes. It’s not too late to back out, right?

The bell rings.

Well, I guess now it is too late.  

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 31: Kyoya_ **

It takes him a while to open the door.  But when he does, I don’t know what to say. It’s quite a change from his usual t-shirt and jeans. His hair is still sticking up, but it does seem as if he’s tried to make it nicer. His waistcoat somehow makes his eyes look even brighter than they already are. After staring at him for more than a few seconds, I have to remind myself to speak.

“Wow…” Tamaki’s face immediately turns a bright shade of pink. “You look…”

“Horrible. I know. I-I’m just going to stay at home.” He starts to turn around, meaning to go back into the house. I’m caught off guard, but I reach forward and grab his wrist.

“I was going to say you look great.” Tamaki lifts his head slightly.

“But look at you. I mean, you’ve got a blazer and nice shoes and a bowtie and everything. And I’m just here in a waistcoat and sneakers…”

“Hey, Tamaki. Hey, look at me.” His shoulders droop but he still turns his head towards me. “You look incredible, okay? Don’t worry about your sneakers, no one will be looking at your shoes anyway. Your waistcoat is such a beautiful colour, as well. You look great, okay?”

Tamaki takes a deep breath, then nods. “Okay.”

I start to head to the road again when Tamaki pulls at my sleeve.

“Hey, um, Kyoya?”

“Yes, Tamaki?”

“Could you, um, do my bowtie? I don’t actually know how to tie it…”

He pulls a navy bowtie out of his pocket and holds it out to me. I smile, and take it. No words are needed as I lift up his collar and tie the bowtie in a few swift moves.

“There you go,” I say, patting the bowtie and fixing his collar again. Then I place a quick close mouthed kiss on his lips and curl my hand around his.

“Haruhi and Renge are probably waiting for us. Shall we go?”

“Yeah,” He breathes. And then we really do set off.

Its crazy how quickly time passes. One moment I’m meeting Renge on the first day on school and the next I’m on my way to Prom, hand in hand with my- is it safe to call him my boyfriend? To be honest, I never was too fond of that word. It always seemed a bit childish and overused. I have similar feelings about the word girlfriend. But now that I have a boyfriend, the word doesn’t sound so silly anymore. It sounds almost special. Just like him.

Our hands slip out of each other as soon as we see the train station. Haruhi and Renge are already there and start to wave as soon as they see us.

“Kyoya, you look, um, really smart.” Renge says to me as we come to a stop next to them. I take a moment to look at her own dress. It’s black at the top, then the skirt itself fades from black to purple. It is rather pretty. She’s had her hair done; all curls falling softly all over her shoulders.

“You look rather nice yourself.” Renge smiles and looks away bashfully.

“You look good, Tamaki.” I hear Haruhi say. I look over at her dress. Its knee length, and not as fancy as Renge’s. It’s still very nice though, and the colour matches Tamaki’s waistcoat perfectly. Somehow, their outfits fit very well together. I turn back to Renge and see that she’s looking at me with a slightly annoyed look on her face.

“You didn’t wear much purple.”

“Well, my bowtie is purple.”

We all hear the screech of train wheels coming to a stop, and immediately freeze. Our train. We’re going to miss it.

Tamaki and I break out into a run, dashing for the platform. I see Renge pull up the side of her dress. Now I’ve always been impressed by how women can walk in high heels, but the way Haruhi and Renge were able to sprint across uneven ground in them was mind blowing. I simply cannot understand how women do it.

We all jump on the train, doing our best not to crumple or dirty our clothes. Luckily, Renge already bought tickets for us all.

The doors slide shut and the train lurches forward sending Haruhi, who had forgotten to grab onto something, stumbling back. All it takes is for us to make eye contact, and all of a sudden we all burst out laughing. Even Tamaki. Even me. It’s one of these odd things about humans, laughing when it’s not even particularly funny. But it’s nice. And I surprise even myself when I think that. I’m even more surprised when I realise that if I had a choice of how I want to spend my time before Prom, I would choose this. Just seeing everyone around me so happy, and being happy myself, it’s such a freeing feeling.

I look over at Tamaki and seconds later he turns his head to me, too. A wide smile is still on his face, but ones are eyes lock it reduces to a smaller, more private smile. Even his eyes soften. And I would so like to kiss him right now, but I know that I can’t. So instead I place my hand just a bit closer to his on the railing.

We don’t sit down. Renge and Haruhi are too worried about crumpling their dresses. And to be honest, I’m fine standing up. Every time the train lurches or shudders, Tamaki is sent bumping into me. And I could hardly complain.

About 20 minutes later, the train comes to a stop and we all pile off. I get off last, and that’s when it hits me.

This is most probably the last time I’ll be able to do this. Today is the last time with my friends. My time at this school is over, completely over. There’ll be no more bus rides with Tamaki, no more lunches with Renge. I’ll never be able to do any of these things again. It’s all coming to an end. No, it is ending as I speak. But hey, that’s an even bigger reason to enjoy myself as much as I can tonight, isn’t it?

 

_  
_

****

**_CHAPTER 32: Tamaki_ **

We get there a bit before 4:30. I’m sure some students are already here, but I can’t see anyone else. What is we’re the first ones here? Oh god, then everyone really will look at me when they come in.

Kyoya steps into the school, and we all follow. Prom is going to be in the gym, and yesterday afternoon I helped set it up. But because I had to go home with the bus I couldn’t stay and finish it. I can’t wait to see it. We walk through the corridors, and its eerie seeming them so empty and quiet. The click of heels echoes around us, along with an occasional squeak of my shoes. I cringe every time.

We reach the gym, and much to my relief I spot about a dozen students already there. And their clothes are all so much smarter and nicer than mine. I spot someone in a waistcoat, and someone else in sneakers, and for a moment I don’t feel so bad about myself. At least I’m not the guy wearing a bright red shirt…

And then we fully step inside, and I… it’s beautiful. It’s just like we planned. The whole ceiling is covered in blue and black streamers, the occasional silver or purple one hanging in between. I spot the cardboard cut outs that I helped paint at the back of the room. The tables are covered with shimmery blue fabric, and it’s just amazing. It’s even better than what we had planned.

“Hey, Tamaki? Anyone there?” Haruhi is waving a hand in front of my face.

“Come on, we’ve still got to set some stuff up. And as soon as everyone arrives we’re having the dress rehearsal.”

I nod and follow her.

The rehearsal goes well for the most part. I trip over my own feet once, but Haruhi is a good dancer, and I’m not that bad, I don’t think. We manage surprisingly well for the first time ever dancing together. In heels, Haruhi is only two centimetres smaller than me, which is better than the usual twelve.

5:30 rolls around, and the parents start filing in. The palms of my hands start sweating, and my heart rate speeds up. I look around the room, but Kyoya is nowhere to be seen. Where is he?

A few minutes later I feel a tap on my shoulder.

“Hey,”

“Hi.”

“Are you nervous?” I nod, and let out a shaky breath.

“I’m a bit nervous too. It’ll be okay. After the dance we just sit down for a while.” He squeezes my hand lightly, and before I can tell him to not do that in school, he’s gone.

The music starts to play, and I force myself to swallow the lump in my throat. Haruhi takes my hand. It’s much smaller than Kyoya’s…

“You ready?”

“Yeah,” The two in front of us start to move forward, and so do we.

The clapping starts even before we enter the gym, but we’re hit with the full force of it as soon as we step inside. I do my best to not look like I’m terrified and keep my breathing level, but I don’t know if it’s working. My heart is racing, but not in a good way. With Kyoya it’s a good feeling, anxiousness of what will follow but with the knowledge that whatever it is, it will be good. But now I feel like I’m being torn apart from the inside, and with all these people watching me it makes it even worse.

I try to focus on my hand against Haruhi’s back and the dance steps.

_Step, step, turn. Step, step, bow. Step, step, step. Turn, step, step._

Even though there are only four short dances, it seems to drag out forever. But then the music finally draws to a close, we bow, then walk to our tables. I’m surprised when Kyoya sits down next to me.

“Renge was on the table committee. She made it so all four of us are at the same table.” He explains. And once again I’m thankful that Renge is one of our friends.

Then the actual programme starts. Our form teachers begin by handing out awards and reports. I dread the moment when my name will be called and I’ll have to walk up to the front to receive my report. When my name is called, I take a deep breath and try not to think about the fact that every single person in the room is looking at me right now. To be honest, I wouldn’t be too bothered if a black hole opened up right now.

Kyoya wins ‘Best student overall’ and Haruhi gets ‘Friendliest student’. I don’t get any awards, but I’m not surprised. I’m even happy that I didn’t get any awards. If I did, that’d mean I’d have to walk to the front again.

What follows is the dance with the parents. This is the part I haven’t been looking forward to. I know without a doubt that my father hasn’t come, and even if he had I wouldn’t have been able to dance with him. Its father-daughter, mother-son.

I look down at the table as chairs scrape against the floor all around me. I don’t want to look up. I’m too embarrassed. The music starts again, and I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Hey,” I hear Kyoya’s voice but surely it can’t be Kyoya? I turn my head, and there he is, still sitting in his chair.

“Why aren’t you dancing?” I whisper. He shakes his head.

“My mother came, but only to tell me that she and my father can’t come. Fuyumi’s here, but I can’t exactly dance with her.” He looks over at the far wall. I follow his gaze and see Fuyumi there, waving at us. My hands are in my lap, but I feel Kyoya reach under the tablecloth and pull one of my hands into his.

“I’m happy you’re here, Tamaki. I know it might be a bit out of your comfort zone, but hey. It’s Prom.” A bit. Just a bit. Despite being so tense, I smile. All Kyoya has to do is hold my hand and I’m already smiling.

But before I know it, Renge and Haruhi are returning to their seats and I pull my hand away from Kyoya’s.  

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 33: Kyoya_ **

The rest of Prom goes well. We have dinner, which is actually very nice, and the school band even plays some songs. But what I really want to do is dance with Tamaki. And I think I know when I’ll have the chance.

After the school band finishes, whoever is in control of the music puts on a slower, not exactly romantic slow, but slower song. There are quite a few couples in our year, and all of them are getting up to dance. I even spot a few pairs who aren’t officially couples make their way to the dance floor. I look over at Tamaki, but Renge grabs my arm.

“Come on, Kyoya, let’s go dance!” No, let’s not.

“Renge I-“

“Aw come on! It’s Prom! Haruhi and Tamaki can come dance too.”

From the corner of my eye I see Haruhi give Tamaki a look saying, no, we are not going to dance. Renge is not letting up. She’s got me by the hand now, and I have no choice. Haruhi looks away, and I give Tamaki a desperate look.

 _‘Wait outside the door.’_ I mouth to him before Renge pulls me away. I hope he understands.

Renge pulls me into the crowd of already dancing couples and places her hand on my shoulder. I sigh, and place my hand on her lower back. I really don't want to do this right now. This was my one chance to actually dance with Tamaki at Prom. And now it's gone. Renge seems to be getting closer to me with every step we take. In mere seconds her head is resting against my chest. This whole situation is so uncomfortable. This isn't right. I don't want her getting the wrong idea.

"Renge,-"

She lifts her head and looks at me.

"Mhm?" And then her eyes are fluttering closed and I can't quite believe it but she's leaning forward. No, this has to stop. I pull my hand away from her waist and place it firmly on her shoulder.

"Renge, what are you doing?" She stops and opens her eyes, but she doesn't show any signs of moving away. Is that a look of... longing? Her face is still only centimetres away from mine.

"I think you know what I'm doing..."

"I can't do this."

"Don't worry, people won't look at us. This is what usually happens during the slow dance..."

Her eyes flutter closed again. Why doesn't she get it? Do I really have to...? Drastic times call for drastic measures, I guess.

"Renge, look, you're a lovely girl and all, but I, I don’t like girls."

Her eyes immediately open.

"Oh." A mixed look of shock and embarrassment, more embarrassment, is on her face as she draws away from me.

"Oh. I'm sorry..."

But I don't have time to stick around. I step away from her and weave through the dancing couples. I spot our table, but Haruhi is the only one sitting there. Tamaki must have understood me, then. I head to the door and succeed in opening it without a sound. One last look, then I slip through it.

Tamaki is waiting for me just around the corner.

"Hey,"

"Hi."

"Sorry I kept you waiting." I step closer to him.

"It's okay. Are you okay?" I must still look a bit shaken up from earlier.

"It's nothing. May I have this dance?"

"You may."

Even though we're out of the gym, we can still hear the music rather well. This is what I've been waiting for the whole evening. I wrap my arm around his waist just as the second song starts playing, this one more romantic than the previous song. Tamaki places one hand on my shoulder and the other in my palm. We don't dance properly, just shuffling back and forth. I don't mind though, just dancing like this with him is enough for me. I lift my arm, and he twirls under it slowly before taking hold of my hand again.

"Une dance..." Tamaki mumbles. His French is perfect. His mother must have taught him.

"A dance." I say back, translating. He lifts his arm, and this time I spin. I come to a stop and Tamaki locks his eyes with mine.

"Un bisou..." He leans forward and gently presses his lips against mine. He pulls away, and I take a moment to just look at him. He’s never been this forward before

"A kiss..." He places his hands on my chest and I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He keeps his head up, eyes gazing into mine. His glare is so intense, I almost want to pull away. I can feel his hand gripping the fabric of my blazer.

"Je pense que je t'aime..."

It comes out as barely a whisper, and for a second I'm not sure if I understood him correctly. But with the look he's giving me now, he couldn't have said anything else. I lean my head forward so that our noses are brushing against each other.

"Je pense que je t'aime trop."

I see the smile form on Tamaki's lips, but then I don't see anything else because my eyes flutter closed and my lips press against his again. His arms slide up from my chest and around my neck, mine slide up to his shoulders. My heart is hammering in my chest, both from the thrill of just being able to kiss him like this at Prom and the risk that somebody might see. The song is still playing, though, so there's no chance of anyone seeing us. At least, I hope so.

"I knew it," I hear a voice whisper quietly. But not quietly enough.

Tamaki jerks back immediately, and my eyes snap open. I turn my head, but there's no one there. But I can see the door, and no one's left through it. Tamaki pulls away from me and starts grabbing at the edge of his shirt. I let out a sigh.

"I know you're still there, Haruhi." A few seconds pass before I hear the familiar click of heels, then Haruhi appears from behind the corner, looking rather ashamed of herself.

"Sorry..."

The door creaks open again, and Renge walks in. They've started playing an uptempo song, so everyone has gone to dance. Everyone except us four, I guess. Tamaki's face has gone red, and I don't know how well I'm doing at looking composed.

"Wait, why are you guys all here?" Renge says.

"Well, why are you here?"

"I saw Haruhi go out and then you guys weren’t at the table so I thought… I don’t know.” Renge takes a look at me, then at Tamaki, then at Haruhi.

“Wait… what’s going on?”

Haruhi grins at her. “I told you they were dating.”

“I thought you were just messing around when you said that!” Then Renge looks back at me and Tamaki.

“Are you really dating?” I sigh. There isn’t a point in trying to deny it. Haruhi saw us with our hands all over each other, after all. I reach back to take Tamaki’s hand and pull him next to me. He’s somehow managed to shrink behind me.

“Yes, we’re dating. Just don’t say a word of this to anyone.” Renge’s mouth drops open.

“I’m so sorry-”

“Don’t say a word of what?”

Oh dear lord. What could I have possibly done so wrong to deserve this?

The twins spot our intertwined hands.

“Ohhh, that.”

Tamaki has told be before that sometimes he just wishes a hole would open up and swallow him. Never before have I understood that feeling as well as I do right now.

What follows is an awkward minute of silence. Eyes flick from one person to another, nobody knowing quite what to say. I had hoped Prom would be eventful, but not _this_ eventful.

Haruhi shuffles closer to Hikaru.

“You owe me a chocolate bar now.”

I sigh and shake my head. _  
_

 

 

**_CHAPTER 34: Tamaki_ **

I avoid making eye contact with anyone at all for the rest of the afternoon. I just can’t. Not now that they know… Even just sitting next to Kyoya makes me self-conscious. Haruhi and Renge try to keep the conversation going, but to no avail. I try my best to act as if everything is normal, but I don’t think I’m doing too well. Kyoya gets up to get a drink, and I’m left alone with Haruhi and Renge.

“You know, I always kinda figured.” Haruhi says to me.

“Figured what?” I mumble, lifting my head in her direction but not looking at her.

“You know, that you were together.”

“Wha- how?”

“The way you look at him. Anyone could see that you care about him if they just paid enough attention.”

I spot Kyoya returning from behind Haruhi. She smiles.

“Like that.” I quickly avert my gaze back to my plate. I wasn’t aware of my facial features changing in any way. But do I really look different when I see Kyoya? I felt happier when I saw him coming back to the table, but does my face really give that much away?

Luckily, it all finishes 20 minutes later. The music dies down and students start heading to their parents. I say bye to Haruhi and Renge, but then stick next to Kyoya.

“Um, so, this was nice, I guess.”

“It was. Apart from the part where… yeah.”

“So, uh, I guess I’m going to go wait for the train now.” I say to him. Kyoya grabs my arm lightly.

“You don’t have to do that.” He tugs me behind him as he heads towards the edge of the room.

“Hey there, you two!” My eyes land on Fuyumi. She steps forward and hugs Kyoya, then hugs me as well. I don’t know how to react. I’ve never been hugged by anyone other than Kyoya. I just stay there, frozen, and wait for her to step back.

“You danced really nicely earlier, both of you.” Then she turns to me. “Tamaki, I didn’t see your father here. Would you like a ride home?”

“I was just about to ask you that.” Kyoya says, and smiles at his sister. I envy the kind of relationship they have. They’re so close, and understand each other so well. I was once like that with my mother. Once…

I accept the ride because 1; It means I don’t have to ride on the train by myself again (the first time was terrifying enough, I don’t want to have to go through that again), 2; I get to sit next to Kyoya for a bit longer and 3; Fuyumi is driving, and you can’t say no to Fuyumi.

Fuyumi has a nice car. Well, Kyoya’s family seems to have a nice everything. A nice car, a nice house, a nice garden, a nice son…

Once we’re on our way home Kyoya turns to me.

“So, should I pick you up later?”

“Why?”

“For the after party.”

Oh. That. I’d completely forgotten about it. Of course, the after party. But that means I have to change again and everyone will be looking at me because I won’t want to dance and-

“Look, everyone will be drunk, so you don’t have to worry about people looking at you. I think they’ll be more focused on trying to stay upright than two boys who are sitting just a little bit too close.”

It’s gotten to the point where Kyoya can tell what I’m thinking from the look on my face. I’m happy that he can. It saves me a lot of explaining.

“We’ll pick you up in an hour, okay?” I nod.

My house comes into sight a few minutes later. The lights are all off, and there’s no sign of our car. That must mean that they’re still out.

I open the car door to step out.

“Hey,” Kyoya pulls me back down and gives me a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll see you later.” I nod, then run to my front door. Oh god, did he have to do that? Fuyumi was _right there._  

I search for the house key as I hear Fuyumi drive away. One hour. I have one hour before he comes back. What on earth am I going to wear?

It’s almost eerily quiet in the house. I’m about to go up to my room, when I stop and turn into the living room instead. Then I drop down onto the sofa, and stretch my arms and legs out until they’re hanging over the edge of the armrests. I’d never be able to do this if grandmother and father were home. So I might as well make the best of it now.

I inhale, then exhale as slowly as I can. So that was Prom.  That was the day I had been planning to miss out on since the first time it was mentioned. I’m still glad that I went. And even though it was a bit, uh, eventful, it’s Prom after all. And what if I hadn’t gone? I would’ve never been able to dance with Kyoya like that. I would’ve never gotten to see him in that outfit. I would’ve never heard him say those words…

But it’s not over just yet. There’s still the after party. So I need to get changed. I don’t particularly want to go, but Kyoya is going to be there. And I just want to spend as much time as possible with him.

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 35: Kyoya_ **

Exactly one hour later I’m knocking on his front door.

“Hey,”

“Hi.”

He’s wearing his usual combination of t-shirt and jeans. But I like him like this. He always seems more comfortable and at ease in these type of clothes. Fuyumi convinced me to wear another one of my button ups. I never was too fond of them, but Tamaki seems to like them.

About 15 minutes later we arrive at the location of the after party. On TV and on the internet I see people renting out hotels and clubs for the after party. But we’re not that high class. We’re just a bunch of kids from a few thrown around villages.

When I step out of the car I see that there are already quite a few students here. I wait for Tamaki to get out, say goodbye to Fuyumi then walk up the gravel path. Music is already playing.

“Hey! I wasn’t sure if you’d come.” Renge says as we stop by the tables. Haruhi runs up to greet us seconds later. She’s holding a plastic cup with yellow liquid in her hand.

“Haruhi, I didn’t know you drink beer.”

“No, no. This is just apple juice.” She laughs, then runs off to greet some other people that have just arrived. Renge takes off seconds later.

In the space of 15 minutes everyone who was yet to arrive arrives. The music is cranked up louder, and me and Tamaki move away from the tables and to a bench under a tree. Every few minutes someone comes to offer us alcohol, and every time we, well _I_ , politely decline. But after someone comes to hand me a can of beer for the tenth time, I take it.

“Maybe they’ll stop coming if we just have it here.” I explain to Tamaki when he gives me a look.

To be fair, there really isn’t much for us to do. Some people dance. Most people drink. At one point we sneak inside and take our pick of the various biscuits there, as well as taking a bottle of orange juice and two cups. Tamaki leaves the room before me, and when I get outside I can’t see him anywhere. The sun is long gone, and the lighting here isn’t exactly great.

“Tamaki?”

“I’m here.”

I turn my head at the sound and spot him, sitting on the grass just behind the corner of the building.  

“Hey,” I sit down beside him and place the juice on the ground.

“So this is it. The last night we all spend together as classmates. Not really that special.” He says.

“Well, at least we’ll be able to remember it.” I reply, motioning at Hikaru who is propped up against a tree, crying about how everyone hates him.

Tamaki smiles.

“Yeah, I guess.”

I slide my hand across the grass until it reaches his. This time, it’s Tamaki who weaves his fingers between mine.

“And it is special. Because you’re here.” I think Tamaki blushes, but it’s hard to tell in the dark. And out here on the grass, we’re further away from the lights.

Tamaki leans back and lies down flat on the grass. I do the same. It’s slightly damp from the evening dew, but I don’t mind.

“It’s really beautiful…” Tamaki whispers, and I smile as I realise that was exactly what he said the first time I took him stargazing.

“It really is…” I reply, but I’m not even looking at the sky. I’m looking at him. And he really is beautiful.

“You’re not even looking at it…” He mumbles. I turn my head away from him, a little embarrassed that he caught me staring. The night sky is pretty tonight. There are a few grey clouds dotted here and there, but it’s clear for the most part. We watch the stars silently for a few minutes until I feel his hand squeeze mine lightly. I smile to myself as I squeeze it back.

“It’s like in the movies,” He begins quietly. “There are the kids who are drunk, those who are helping the drunk ones, the ones who are dancing, the ones smoking in the corner and the ones who are sitting at the side and not really doing much.” He’s right. In the past two hours we’ve seen all of those people. It’s strange, talking with him but not actually being able to see his face. It’s almost like I’m having a conversation with the stars.

“All that’s missing are the two that are kissing…” He adds after a second.

I turn my head back to look at him, but he’s still looking up.

“Well, I guess we could be those two.” Tamaki turns his head, and gives me a soft smile. I bring my head closer to his, and then-

“Hey guys!” Renge’s shrill voice darts in between us. I let out a profanity, and Tamaki wriggles his hand away from mine.

“What you guys doing?” She grins down at us. Even though there’s not much light, I can tell her eyes aren’t exactly clear. I sit up, careful not to whack my head into hers.

“Oh, we were just stargazing.”  Haruhi appears behind Renge and pulls her upright.

“There you are. Sorry about that. I’m not sure what she’s been drinking, but I don’t think it was juice.”  I stand up and brush grass off my legs.

“It’s fine.”  Tamaki stands up as Haruhi leads Renge back to the tables and sets her down on a bench. I take his hand and pull him a few steps further behind the building.

“Now, where were we? Oh yes, I was about to kiss you.”

 

_  
_

**_CHAPTER 36: Tamaki_ **

Fuyumi comes to pick us up at 2 in the morning. There’s still a light on in the kitchen when she drops me off, but luckily it’s just my father. He said he talked to grandmother, and that it’ll be okay. That night I have no trouble falling asleep.

When I look at my phone in the morning, there’s a text from Kyoya.

_-want to go for a walk later today?-_

It doesn’t take me long to reply.

_-sure-_

Later today turns out to be at 10 o’clock. I open the front door and, oh, would you look at that. It’s raining. Again. But I’m sure it wasn’t raining a few minutes ago. The raindrops are still small, it probably just started.

Even though it’s barely a drizzle, I run up the stairs to my room and grab the green umbrella from its hiding place under my bed. Then I dash back down, and close the front door behind me.

“Hey,” Kyoya is right by the front door.

“Hi,” I smile at him, and then we start to walk.

“So, Hikaru called me this morning.” He says as soon as my house is out of view.

“What did he say?”

“Well, he begged me to tell him what happened last night. Seems like no one wanted to tell him.”

“I’m not surprised. Did you tell him?”

“Well, I told him that he cried. A lot. And that he kissed Haruhi then threw up behind a tree. He was quiet for a second, then hung up. I think he’s re-evaluating his life choices.”

I laugh, and look up at the sky, wincing as the raindrops fall directly into my eyes.

“Renge called as well. As soon as I answered the phone she just screamed _I’m so sorry_ into the receiver.”

“Sorry for what?”

Kyoya grins and shakes his head.

“I’m not really sure. Her memory can’t be exactly clear, and who knows what exaggerated stories she’s been hearing.”

Thunder rumbles somewhere in the distance, and the rain stats to fall harder. I put the umbrella up as we sit down on a bench beside the road. Kyoya’s gone silent, and when I lift my head I see exactly why.

This is that bench from that one time. That one Saturday.

“How long ago was that…?” I mumble.

“Three weeks,”

Only three weeks ago I nearly fell off a bridge. Less than a month ago. It feels like so much more time has passed since then. And look at me now. Kyoya turns his head back to me.

“I never understood what you said to me back then. When I told you that if you fell, you would die, and you said that that’s why you sit there.” My chest tightens.

“It’s the risk, I guess. It makes me feel like I’m in control of my whole life. And it sort of makes me happy, I guess, knowing that I control what happens next.”

“Oh.”

We’re both quiet for a minute, the only sound being the splashing of the raindrops as they hit the ground and the faint rush of the river.

“I can’t believe it’s over…” I mumble. Kyoya moves his hand over to mine and clasps it in his. I lean to the side so that I’m leaning on him.

“It went by quite fast, don’t you think?”

“Yeah…”

Lightning cracks nearby.

“What are we going to do now?” I say to him.

“What do you mean?”

“Schools over, now it’s the summer holidays, and next year we won’t even go to the same school.” I’ve been thinking about this for the past few days. What happens when school ends? We won’t ride on the bus together, we won’t see each other every 50 minutes. Texts aren’t enough to keep us going. Even though we live close by, without school to ensure we see each other, will we grow apart?I just don’t want to lose him. Not now. Not when I feel like I’ve poured all of my thoughts and feelings into him.  

Kyoya sits up and turns his whole body towards me. I straighten up as well. I notice how his whole face is an eerie green colour because of the umbrella. Mine must look the same. His eyes soften. Those deep grey eyes of his. I don’t appreciate them nearly as much as I should. You’d think grey is such a dull colour, but it really isn’t. Maybe one day I’ll tell Kyoya how nice his eyes are.

Kyoya smiles, and leans a bit closer to me.

“Well, you know where I live.”          

And for a second it feels like the only things on earth are me, him, and a green umbrella.


End file.
